Sunday, March 24, 2013

Deadpool's Slicey and Dicey Review of Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance! (PS3/Xbox 360 Game Review)

I don’t always review games, but when I do, they’re f@#king awesome reviews! Take this new one for example. You don’t know it yet, because it’s down below here, but it’s awesome. Oh so awesome. Now, you people know me. I like to blow things up and slice everything to little pieces, because that’s just the kind of reserved intellectual that I am. Well, I’ve got a new game that has plenty of both, but mostly that slicing part! (Oh, how I do love me those slicing parts!)

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance is one of the most awkwardly titled games I’ve seen since… well, since Square Enix titled anything; period. But who cares about that? “What the heck is actually going on in this new entry?” is the question you should be asking, mainly because I doubt that I fully know myself. The game takes place after Metal Gear Solid 4, where everything should have ended, but Hideo Kojima decided “No, I still don’t want to make Zone of Enders 3 yet, so here’s another Metal Gear, because yes.” Now don’t get me wrong folks, I love me some Metal Gear! But Hideo can do other things. He really doesn’t have to keep making Metal Gear anymore. I think many were satisfied with the conclusion to 4, and didn’t expect more to come out unless it was in the form of another prequel. In fact, I heard this new one was going to take place after Metal Gear Solid 2, until that plan go scrapped; and now we have this awkward sequel where Raiden, the guy who performed some crazy-ass cyborg ninja skillz and then hung up the mantle to live a peaceful life, now returns to his crazy-ass cyborg ninja lifestyle. Once again, I couldn’t tell you the reason if I tried. It’s really not about the “why” in this case so much as the “how.” How does it play? How does it look? How does a game with a horrible camera system still get released in this day and age?

Promiscuous camera angles aside, the gameplay absolutely rocks! Imagine everything you’ve ever loved about God of War, Devil May Cry, Ninja Gaiden, and even Vanquish, and then imagine the Matrix films having its way with all of them (in a totally plutonic way!... >>). While you still run around like a madman, slashing anything in sight that you come across, you also have the ability to slow down time and literally cut in any direction you like. It will feel a little odd the first time you do it, but trust me; once you grasp the controls, it will feel like second nature, and that will feel awesome. I think the last time a game gave you this much freedom was Gravity Rush, and be honest; you don’t have a PS Vita so you have no idea what the hell I just said. The mobility is also quite nice. Is that helicopter shooting missiles at you? Then run/jump across those missiles and slice the crap out of his helicopter blades! Nanomachines, son!

The story is not as deep as the other Metal Gear games, since the focus is on all of slicey and dicey this time around (those sexy camera whores!). However, it does still contain a hell of a lot more story than most games of its type. You have access to the codec like you did in the other games, and can go through conversation after conversion about nothing and everything all at once. The cutscenes are also of reasonable length, and don’t feel too overly stretched or disappointingly short.

The soundtrack also deserves some credit here. It begins like your typical fast beats, guitar, and turntable sound effects, but you’ll quickly start to see it become a lot more once you get to the bossfights. You’ll hear the type of music I described above, but as the fight goes on, the boss’s health gauge begins to deplete, and you’ve got them down to about ¾ of it, that’s when shit gets real! Vocals suddenly come in to place, and the music gets much more prominent from there on out. It’s the perfect build up, just as you’re getting to the final rounds of the fight, and really makes the whole thing exciting as hell.

I can see this not appealing to some of the more hardcore fans of the Metal Gear franchise, simply because it’s very different from its predecessors, and that’s okay. I didn’t see a “Solid” next to that “Metal Gear” title. Did you? You sure? Really? I’ll let you check again if you want. No? Okay then. Personally, I think fans of the franchise will still find plenty to like. There are still bits of stealth (if you feel like it…, I don’t…), and even usage of the infamous cardboard box. It’s got all the ingredients of a good action game, and even a little bit more to separate it from that boring norm that we keep getting stuck with. Seriously, no more norm! It’s too mainstream!

Hipster Deadpool gives this game 8 meme jokes out of 10.

Seriously though, Kojima needs to stop making these. YES, I’ll keep playing them, but he needs to stop making them. Does that make sense? Who cares what you think!? Caring is too mainstream!!!