Sunday, July 27, 2014

Deadpool's Pretentious Movie Review Of Lucy (2014)

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Howdy y'all! I feel like it's been over 63 days since my last review, or some other arbitrary number to distract from the fact that I actually counted. How's the summer life been treating 'ya? Did you get that hot beach body you always dreamed of? What? What do you mean you binge-watched Netflix all month!? There's more important things to do than marathon Breaking Bad just because the fourth season left you gasping for air at what would happen next and basically forced you to miss work to catch up... Boy, I really need to shut up...

So Scarlet Johannson has certainly stepped up her game as an actress lately. I'm sure her Black Widow part in all the Marvel movies helped, but I think people are finally starting to see that she's destined for great things, and it's actually (stay with me here) NOT just because of her looks. OMGNOWAIDIDHERLYJUSTSAYTHAT!? Yes. I did. Twice if you read my Cap 2 review. She's proven she can play a deep and emotional character without having to rely on the 'assets' to get by. So what the hell do we have going on with her in this film? Read the next paragraph to find out!!!

Welcome to the next paragraph. Here, I will be describing what the hell we have going on with her in this film. Lucy is a party-hardy 25 year old woman, who gets involved with a boyfriend that tricks her into delivering a drug called CPH4 to his boss. She then gets caught into having to smuggle this drug after having it sewn into her freaking abdomen!!! After that round of exclamation marks, certain events cause some of the drug to enter into her blood stream. From here, everything goes topsy-turvy in a way that would make Beyblade blush (I know you play with them too, DON'T LIE!). As Morgan Freeman (playing a professor who does research on the possible capabilities of the human brain once we reach beyond the 10% capacity limit we are said to have) comes into the picture, he sort of helps to explain everything we end of up seeing throughout the rest of the film. And that's fine, because this man could read anything to me out loud and I'd still be pleased. We really need to clone his voice somehow, maybe even create a voice changer? (Don't steal that idea, I came up with it first?... >_>)

What really makes the movie from this point, is the ways Lucy reacts to the increased brain capacity and the things she does with those abilities after she gains them. If she didn't help carry the plot and action of this movie, I'm not sure how I would have felt about it as is. Let's be honest about a few things: The beginning of this movie was... kinda lousy! It actually started out really goofy and I'm not sure if that was intentional or not (which makes it way worse to think about!). Luc Besson is a... weird writer/director. And that's coming from ME! He seems to enjoy using a lot of symbolism to help bring points across as he's creating a scene to play as some type of metaphor to another scenario. It works well in some places, and raises a lot of questions in others.

Things only get crazier and crazier as the movie starts to shift into climax-gear. The action and overall pace of the story worked quite well, as well as some of the interesting effects and scenery you're given. But there enlies a problem in all of this, which I simply can't keep to this sexy persona any longer! If I were to ever meet Mr. Besson, I'd have quite a few questions for him regarding this story, but one in particular would stand out:


I don't care how much or little you really know about the scientific theories presented in this film. The idea that the director presents here about increased brain capability is absolutely bat-s@$t insane, and makes no sense from a scientific standpoint, especially if you're looking into the theories about time and linearity. I actually kind of wish Besson would have hired a scientist just to consult with him over the real theories behind this concept. Now this isn't to insult him, or the structure and presentation of the movie itself. I actually thought everything after the first two scenes was really well made and acted. The problem is that once all is said and done, you'll likely feel (like I just said I did!) that this film could have been something greater. Something more! As an action film, it pretty much works in the way a lot of the great Hong Kong flicks do. As a science fiction film, it stumbles quite a bit however. I'm not happy about this either, because I really wanted this movie to do great after viewing the first trailer. All of the ingredients are there, and this could have been something much more memorable and lasting.

In the end, I'm afraid not many people are going to see this as anything more than a Redbox rental, and as I said fifty other times, that makes me really sad. I almost want to become a filmmaker just to remake something like this fifteen years later and fix all the things I thought were wrong. Seriously though, this is not a bad movie by any stretch; but there are some things you need to understand going into it, in order to avoid scratching your head. For one, you have to accept the fact that the scientific theory will make no bloody damn sense. For another, you have to know that things pick up after the first and second scene quite a bit, and that it's worth getting through those to find the "good stuff" that follows. Third, you need to DEAL WITH IT! The movie doesn't care about you or what you think. I'm pretty sure I heard it muttering some rude things about your mother the other night too.

7 Scientific Inaccuracies Out Of 10

Now I need to go prepare for Guardians of the Galaxy, but I won't just forget or leave this movie in the dust... Yet... Besson certainly left you thinking about quite a few things, even if it was for the wrong reasons. I should come up with some crazy scientific theories of my own, and see if they actually come through someday. First will be that you automatically increase in coolness level when you put on sunglasses. This is now law. DEAL WITH IT!

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