Deadpool's Review Of Green Lantern (The Movie)

The summer of comic book movies continues fellow readers. Thor entered the scene, Charles and the rest of the X-Men gave their return to form, and now, before Captain America’s shield-bashing appearance, DC managed to shove one title of theirs into the apparent Marvel sandwich that has followed. The question is if the middle of that sandwich truly brings the beef. I for one, hope to answer that question quicker than initially planned, due to the now severity of my need for a sandwich, after talking about one the way I have. Do I get sick of how distracted my mind can get over such trivial things? NO I don’t, and neither should you!

Green Lantern is upon us, and the reviews are in. Rotten Tomatoes has pretty much shunned this movie as a piece of crap, and not putting it very high above even the likes of movies such as The Spirit (which I’m still convinced was made to be bad on purpose, but no one believes me!). So why am I writing this review then? Do I have a different opinion that I want to be heard or am I just busting all of your chops because I so desperately seek attention to draw me away from the reality of how ugly and insignificant of a human being that I truly am? You’ll have to read on and find out, sucka fool!

First and foremost, I have to say that Ryan Reynolds (the guy who is supposed to still play ME someday!) was able to hold a lot of the movie together on his own quite well. His portrayal of Hal Jordan in the movie was pretty much accurate. Despite what some may remember about Hal’s personality in the comic books right now, he was actually a serious douche in the beginning (INB4 it takes one to know one joke! HAR HAR, you people I’ve detected through my psychic ability that I just made up are all hilarious…). He hits on women pretty much the same way, and craves so desperately to high five Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer as part of the Top Gun cast. But that’s all marred by the fact that he doesn’t follow protocol to get the job done, and gets reprimanded for it on top of all the man-whoring. Known for running away when responsibility is thrown his way (just like the rest, am I right ladies!?), things get strange when an alien life form (known as “Abin Sur,” part of the Green Lantern Corps) crash lands on Earth, after being attacked by a being called Parallax, that harvests fear from others in order to make itself stronger until it grows large enough to consume everything in the universe. This event leaves Abin weak and incapacitated, forcing him to send his Green Lantern ring out to find a suitable host. It ends up picking Hal of course, and he is now given the task of carrying on this power and helping to restore order in the universe. Like sand through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives… (I promise there’s a reason for that quote other than my love of soap operas… Stefano… I miss you so… *sob*)

When I first saw Hal’s appearance in the Green Lantern suit, I chucked a bit, knowing the whole costume was literally a product of CGI animation. It looked a little disjointed for the first few minutes, but I quickly adjusted as I started to see the ENTIRE FREAKING CORPS all looking the same, if not worse due to their whole BODIES needing to be animated. They didn’t look bad this way, just… very disconnected at times. It was a mixed result, and for the most part, a decent one. It’s all tolerable, and that’s what matters poozers! (That’s a little Killowog humor for ya! He’s the big grumpy one! You can’t miss him because he’s so damn big and grumpy!)

Man-whoring and CGI-whoring aside, the supporting cast for the movie was hit or miss. Carol’s part was played well enough that it got the job done and Blake Lively is a very pretty woman to boot. Peter Sarsgaard (which has to be one of the best last names I’ve ever heard in my life) did a very interesting portrayal of Dr. Hector Hammond. Was it completely accurate to the freakish character of the comic books? Not quite, but he still did one heck of a job screwing with everyone in similar ways. Now we get to the good stuff! Mark Strong did a surprisingly bang up job as Thaal Sinestro. His pride and all-around “I’m better than you” attitude played out very well, and if a sequel is made (which I’m sure there will be), then I’d love to see them try to flesh out his character more. Temuera Morrison’s role as Abin Sur was also very well done. He doesn’t get much screen time (just as he didn’t get much of any comic time either… Poor unlucky pink guy…), but the part is done accurately once again.

There was some definite creativity in some of the ways the power ring’s abilities were used, whether by Hal or other Corps members. Seeing a Gatling gun and a Hot Wheels track come out of that thing was pretty silly and fun to see at the same time. Parallax itself certainly looked… interesting. I’ve definitely never seen anything quite like that on the big screen before…

Cue some other obvious plot devices, some forced lines, some overall decent fight scenes, and a lot of flying and character exploration, and you’ve pretty much got what this movie amounted to. If you’re a fan of the comic book, I don’t think you’ll be too disappointed in the events they tried to portray (though there were definitely things changed around. I just… don’t care about mentioning them. Seriously, they’re not drastic changes, so I don’t even feel they’re worth mentioning. If you’re look to nitpick all the things they do differently in these movies then I think you need to take a chill pill. Seriously, go discover girls or something. They’re pretty rad...).

Overall, I did like the film, but also felt it VERY incomplete as a whole movie, and more like “Green Lantern: Episode 1, Part 1: Space Soap Opera Overture.” The film had a fair share of flaws that didn’t really bother me so much, but seemed to cram itself up the posterior of many of the Rotten Tomatoes critics. There was also a lot they attempted to cram into the film all at once. Is the movie as bad as their ugly percentage score? No, I don’t think so. At this point, I believe that the absolute best way to enjoy it is to go in and expect complete and utter crap! That way, if it sucks, you knew that and saw it coming and are still better than everyone else, and if it doesn’t suck, then it’s a win win baby! What I’m saying is, see it yourself and form your own opinion. It’s a competent movie that deserves a competent amount of attention. So where’s the beef!? Maybe not here, but it’s more like one of those White Castle burgers: good, but tiny as frack, and leaving you wanting at least twenty more before you feel satisfied and possibly throw up later.

7 Shiny Power Rings out of 10

Now to go shove the scores and tell Ryan Reynolds about why he should be playing me again instead! I need media exposure people! Hollywood, crap on my origin story already so people will talk about how much better my comics are! Come on!!!

Favorites

I thought I would take this as a time to jot down many favorites I have. This can vary into all sorts of categories, but I'll try to keep it brief without becoming obnoxious. If you'd like, you can copy this list and paste your own favorites next to my own. I'd love to hear what everyone else is stricken by.

Favorite Band/Artist: Queen
Favorite Music Format(Vinyl, CD, Cassette, or MP3): Vinyl
Favorite Television Series: Garo
Favorite Book: The Giver
Favorite Author: Douglas Adams
Favorite Comic Book Series: Transmetropolitan
Favorite Stand-Alone Graphic Novel: Grendel: Devil By The Deed
Favorite Comic Book Character: Deadpool
Favorite Superhero: Spider-Man
Favorite Movie: Metropolis (1927)
Favorite Video Game: Xenogears (PS1)
Favorite Japanese Anime: One Piece
Favorite Japanese Manga: S-Cry-Ed
Favorite Food: Lobster

Have You Ever...?

Based on a recent experience of mine, a question posed in my head that I'd like to ask anyone here who's willing to answer it. Is there a game/movie/TV series/anime/etc. that you had been told was the "greatest thing evaaaaar!!!" by friends and acquaintances, but never actually checked out until recently, or possibly even never checked out at all? It's okay; there's no shame in anything you could say here, as I'm about to demonstrate with an embarrassing answer of my own.

Game: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. You're reading this correctly. I only JUST recently decided to give this game a try after watching friends of mine play the multiplayer in the past, and sometimes a bit of the campaign. I know it's like a sacrilege to a lot of people, but allow me to explain at the very least. I don't like huge amounts of hype for anything. What's even worse; I hate elitist fanboys/fangirls of anything, regardless of what it is. It could even be for something I generally like, and I will still hate certain fans of it. This next part should come as no surprise, but the hype about this game, the one preceding it, and the one coming out later this year continually annoy the heck out of me. Working at GameStop for over 4 years made it even more annoying. Just like Halo 3's release, I had a constant lashing of people of all ages spouting phrases like "It's the greatest game ever!" I then proceeded to find out that over 60% of the people I asked, never even played the campaign. Talking to a lot of the people that played the game that I had sold it to, made me want to stay far far away from the multiplayer, unless it was with my own friends. I don't even think I need to explain what my issue is there. If you've played online multiplayer in Halo or Call of Duty before, you know what I'm talking about. There is some GOOD news out of all of this however... I actually do like the game itself!

So there you have it. My embarrassing, but honest story is complete. How about the rest of you? Is there anything you've either recently checked out or haven't seen that everyone else is always praising like it's their new messiah?

New York Comic Con And Anime Weekend Progress

Thinking about the fact that I did not attend AnimeNEXT this year, I started to ponder about the event I actually will be going to; New York Comic Con. So far, they've confirmed Robert Kirkman (Walking Dead, Invincible, Super Dinosaur, etc.), Mike Mignola (creator/writer/artist of Hellboy), Time Sale (Artist for Batman: The Long Halloween, Superman For All Seasons, Spider-Man: Blue, etc.), and more, with plenty of other acts to soon follow. Last year we had some absolutely legendary guests (John Romita Sr. and Jr., J. Michael Straczynski, etc.), but I'm thinking this year, there can be just as much fun had, if not more. The reason? Well, if I see less people that I want to meet and get autographs from, I can concentrate a lot more time simply walking around, possibly finding panels, amazing things in the artist alley, crazy sights in the dealers room, and some cosplays worth taking pictures of. Last year was kind of an overkill on people I wanted to see, and this year, there may not be nearly as much (awesome as the guests already are this year as well). Hope I'll be seeing friends of mine there as well (as I always seem to wind up seeing lots of people I know, regardless of the fact that we're in a whole other state).

Also, for anyone wondering, that little anime weekend plan I had with my girlfriend and I got cut a bit short due to some circumstances beyond our control. That said, on Saturday, we were still able to get in some segments of Gigantor, Escaflowne (1-3), Mobile Suit Gundam (1-2), Dragon Ball (1-3), and Dragon Ball Z (1-5). Hoping to get in Evangelion, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Full Metal Alchemist, FLCL, and at least a Miyazaki film next time. We'll certainly see how that goes.

Go to the link below for info about the convention, and if you're coming or considering coming, feel free to let me know.

http://www.newyorkcomiccon.com/

Anime Weekend (Will Take Any Suggestions!)

This weekend is AnimeNEXT 2011, one of NJ's most popular anime conventions, held about 10 minutes from where I live now (as opposed to Secaucus way back, though I admit I liked that location much more). I've decided after a lot of thinking, that I'd rather not go this year. There's a few reasons for this. First and foremost, there is absolutely nothing really new or spectacular to me about it this year. They have a majority of the same people from the last few years as guests, and while they are great people, I feel there's no need to go if they're going to be the only main attractions. Another reason had to do with my disgust at the way some of the events and panels were held last year. The majority of people working there treated me and my friends pretty badly (and based on the message board complaints, I was not alone). Due to all of this, I have decided to simply have a weekend spent with my girlfriend, watching anime DVDs all weekend. I have a list of all the shows I have (either some or all of) on DVD, and a few burned to disc (fansubs, etc.). If anyone has any suggestions they think would be essential to watch alongside this, let me know and I'll consider adding them too. My girlfriend is just really getting into this stuff for the first time (minus Sailor Moon and a few others, which she still loves). I haven't watched much anime lately (besides Tiger & Bunny) and really would love to get back into the spirit of things. Thanks in advance!

Akira
Astro Boy
Berserk
Big O
Bleach
Bo-Bo-Bo
Captain Harlock (1978)
Shinzo Ningen Casshan
Claymore
Code Geass
Cowboy Bebop
D.Gray-Man
Death Note
Detective Conan/Case Closed
Dragon Ball
Dragon Ball Z
Neon Genesis Evangelion
Escaflowne
Fist of the North Star
FLCL
Full Metal Alchemist
Gaiking
Gigantor/Tetsujin 28
Golion/Voltron
Mobile Suit Gundam/G Gundam/Zeta Gundam/Gundam Wing
Gungrave
Gurren Lagann
Hajime No Ippo/Fighting Spirit
Hellsing
Hellsing Ultimate
Hikaru No Go
Howl’s Moving Castle
Inuyasha
Kikaider: The Animation
Lupin III
Mazinger-Z
Naruto
Noir
One Piece
Outlaw Star
Panda-Z
Pokemon
Rurouni Kenshin
Saint Seiya
Silent Mobius
Soul Eater
Soul Taker
Trigun
Vampire Hunter D
Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust
Yu-Gi-Oh!
Yu Yu Hakusho

Comic Book Review: Amazing Spider-Man #655

I don’t write quite as many comic book reviews these days, unless they tend to revolve around complete stories, such as graphic novels. The only exception that I'll make for comic books are when there’s something I read that I feel so strongly about, I truly feel it needs a review to follow. This is one of those rare moments and I hope anyone who reads this will take this review to heart as a result. I promise I’ll try to make this worth your time.

For those who’ve never met me outside of this blog before, know that I am a huge enthusiast of Amazing Spider-Man. I’ve read every issue from all the way in the beginning (Amazing Fantasy #15) to present (Amazing Spider-Man 663+) and everything in between (tie-ins, annuals, etc.). Needless to say, I know the character pretty well, as I’ve grown up with him and been through the good times and the bad (the Clone Saga still hurts, even today…).

Many things have happened to the character’s status quo in the last few years. One of the most devastating is that his marriage to Mary Jane was abruptly put to end when Peter made a deal with Mephisto (the “devil” of the Marvel universe if you will) in order to save his Aunt. The Venom symbiote has left Mac Gargan (who went on to become the Scorpion once more), and now taken refuge in Flash Thompson, who after spending time fighting in Iraq, lost both of his legs. J. Jonah Jameson lost control over the Daily Bugle and became mayor of New York, before helping Robbie rebuild the Bugle to what it once was. Peter is now dating a girl named Carlie Cooper, and has actually gone on to become a scientist, just as he went to school for all those years ago. He also recently lost his spider-sense ability, making for some very interesting fights these past few issues. Despite my unease with the marriage breakup and new girlfriend for Peter, these and many other changes have actually been very nice and positive ways to progress the series in my opinion. But let’s get on to the actual issue and why I’m writing a review for it.

In recent developments, Marla, J. Jonah Jameson’s wife was killed by Alistair Smythe in issue #654, and for the first time ever, instead of blaming Spider-Man like always, he blames himself. Issue #655 begins with Marla’s funeral. There is no dialogue during these pages, but simply artwork and character emotions. One of the most interesting factors to note is Jameson’s expressions throughout the funeral and the burial, as he has none to show. I’ve seen many funerals in comic books before, and the idea here wasn’t anything particularly new, but this one kind of grabbed me. One could only imagine Jameson’s thoughts and expressions outside of the funeral; in fact it’s almost scary to picture. To someone like myself, I feel the scariest things are the things you can’t see, and this being a perfect example.

Following this already emotional and touching sequence, we return to Peter, trying to fall asleep with the thoughts of the recent developments in his mind. What we get from this point however, is where the issue truly takes its form. Peter begins to dream about not only how he failed Marla, but many others in his life to which he still claims responsibility. We see Peter go through strange and awkward conversations with Marla, his parents, a broken-neck Gwen Stacy and Green Goblin, the thug that killed Uncle Ben, and some other interesting surprise characters. This issue more or less explains the dynamics of Spider-Man’s past and present in much more brutal honesty than we are usually shown. It dives into the concept of why the good people in Peter’s life always seem to disappear, while the truly horrible villains always seem to return. One more thing that must be noted here is the artwork and frames of each panel during these sequences. I truly felt his helped the issue leave its mark even more.

After more shocking developments and realizations which I won’t spoil here, Peter is woken from the dream, with a new inspiration and feeling of determination. In a cruel irony, that determination is almost completely rendered moot just as the issue ends, but I feel that this ties things together perfectly for the next part of the story.

What I like the most about this issue is the development within Peter and his very crucial analysis of himself. It’s very rare that a character in American comics such as these will be seen picking himself and his actions apart, as well as actually showing a true development in his character as a result of it. This issue was an exploration into the mind and soul of a character I’ve felt very close to all my life, and I for one will never forget it.

This issue is a must read for anyone who wants to truly see how far Peter has come over the years (unlike the previously released “654.1” issue, which was supposed to be considered a “jumping on” point for readers that I felt very much failed in that regard, despite being an interesting issue all its own). This is a much better point to jump in with and I commend Dan Slott for crafting an excellent issue that, while part of a two part story, stands well enough on its own as something truly memorable.

10/10

Deadpool's Review Of Mortal Kombat (PS3/360)

HEY! YOU! GET OVER HERE! ... No, I wasn’t being cute! Sit yourself down over there and listen to what I’m about to say! Why should you listen to what I want to talk about!? Because it involves the words “MORTAL” and “KOMBAT” in the same sentence you ninny! Now now, I know what you’re thinking; “Uncle Deadpool, the old Mortal Kombat games were so ridiculously cheesy! Who was throwing the tomatoes!?” The answer to that is very simple… I was throwing the tomatoes! And I would have again too, but they kind of found out what I was doing and took my tomato-throwing license away! *sniff* Those things are hard to get you know…

But NO you foolishy foolish fool! This is different from those times! We’ve got creative teams that actually KNOW how to make a fighting game where you don’t use the same character model for more than half the people in it! A creative team that knows how to put some personality into a series that many were starting to feel was going down the drain faster than that broccoli my mama Deadpool made that I pretended to eat. Mom, if you’re reading this… Justin did it. That’s right! I can sell out my own writer! I’m Deadpool, bitches!!! … But no seriously, finish this up Justin; then you can go. Hehehe…

The graphical overhaul is the first immediate thing noticeable. We’ve got ourselves some damn good graphics to go with some damn good scenery and some damn good character models… Except for Sheeva… That is just something that should have never happened to anyone ever… Some of the levels are even taken straight out of the original games, and that’s just pretty. Everything flows smoothly together and you’ve basically got the Street Fighter IV/Marvel vs. Capcom 3 equivalent to the Mortal Kombat series. What that means is you get awesome 3D graphics on a 2D plane, just like the glory days. But wait! There’s more!!!

The absolute biggest difference about this from past MK entries is the touched up combat and controls! We actually have a DEEEEEP fighting engine to go with all the mayhem. On top of an already excellent combo system, you’ve got a new super meter. Once built up all the way, on top of using some crazy COMBO-BREAKAS, you can unleash an even crazier X-Ray attack. This attack will have the game’s camera zoom in on the two players, while one does something literally bone-crushing or organ-crushing to the other, and you get to see it in all its devastating glory. Mmmm… glory…

Game play modes include Story Mode, giving you the entire story of Mortal Kombat 1-3 with some good ol’ fashion comic book-style retconning (I’d like to say no clones were involved in said retcon… I’d really like to…). You also get the classic Arcade Mode, Challenge Tower Mode, Online Mode, Fatality Training Mode, and Tag-Team Fighting Mode (actually allowing two players to fight together instead of against each other. Togetherness!? In MY Mortal Kombat!? It may be more likely than you think...).

The sound effects and music in the game are pretty much top-notch. The tunes are rockin’ and the strikes and blocks are as effective as they can be for this type of game. The voice acting isn’t exactly what one would call perfect. Johnny Cage’s voice actor is so bad, I didn’t even feel sorry for him when one character spent a whole part of their chapter beating him up because he wouldn’t shut up… And this is coming from ME!!!

The game also has some unlockable goodies; the best being more characters to rip your friends apart with. The rest include another costume and some secret battles. Not the biggest roster of hidden stuff, but not the worst either, as they certainly give you a lot up front, don’t you think, you lazy selfish clowns?

The bottom line is that this game is all-around bad-assery at its finest. Even if you’ve never been a fan of Mortal Kombat or 2D fighters in the past, you may still find a lot to like about this cheesy, bloody masterpiece. The engine was worked on ten-fold and the development team deserves some serious kudos for the upgrades. Give it up people!!!

9 Bloody Fatalities Out Of 10

But now I must be off! I’ve gotta see a man about a fake tomato-throwing ID… Hehehehehe…