Sunday, July 19, 2015

Deadpool's Bite-Sized Review of Ant-Man! (Spoiler Free) (2015)

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

I just saw a movie about Ant-Man!!! Seriously, who would have ever imagined 10 years ago that we would be seeing a movie about FREAKING ANT-MAN!!!? I'm still in disbelief that this really happened, and I wasn't just dreaming the whole experience.

So what the hell are we looking at this time? Well, as far as my eyes could tell, we get the story of two major Marvel characters, Henry (Hank) Pym, and Scott Lang. Hank Pym was on to some pretty dangerous technology, involving a suit that could potentially shrink and give its wearer an insane amount of strength, ala-ANT-style! Naturally, Pym realizes that this is completely bats@#t insane (not just because of the impossible science behind it!), and attempts to keep this out of the hands of anyone... No, seriously, ANYONE; even people who could potentially use it for something good. But this movie wouldn't be much fun if we didn't get to see it in action...

Meanwhile, we've got Scott Lang on the other side of the spectrum. He's a professional thief, ah, I mean burglar, trying to go clean after getting out of prison and support his daughter in any way he can. Trying to restart after already having a criminal record is not the easiest thing to accomplish however (as yours truly can attest to!), but Scott is determined! That doesn't really pay the bills at the end of the day, but he's DETERMINED dammit!!!

So how the hell do the paths of these two cross? Well, it would be too spoiler-y for me to tell you all the details, but know it's mostly the fault of Scott and his three hilarious friends (no seriously, they're amazing). Things go down and Scott is eventually asked by Pym to dawn the suit, suspiciously similar to a Kamen Rider outfit (If you don't know what that is, then how are we even friends in the first place!? Oh right, normal people things... Yeah, I guess I can do those too). What follows from this point on is PURE CRAZYNESS!

The effects and overall thought process behind the events in the movie are really something to behold. Seeing someone shrink down and actually gain super strength is just plain silly to look at, and the writers obviously knew this (of whom there are many, but more on that in the next paragraph). While the movie certainly has its cute and serious moments, like the dynamic between Scott and his painfully adorable daughter, it's really all about the comedic aspects. And that's okay! We don't need a "Winter Soldier" or an "Avengers 2" every single time. If anything, I found this to be insanely refreshing after going through all of that drama. (Seriously, you won't find any of that crap in MY upcoming movie! Was that DMX I heard in my trailer? Hell yeah, it was!!!)

Now, in the paragraph above, I promised I'd talk about the writers, so far be it from me to not follow that procedure. Edgar Wright (of Shaun of the Dead fame) and Joe Cornish took on the massive script for this outrageous film..., until they didn't. In May of 2014, Wright announced his departure from Marvel and the project, due to "differences in their vision of the film." This pretty much jabbed a proverbial stake into each and every one of our hearts, but all was not lost! While the script was then taken over by other people, like Peyton Reed and Adam McKay, it was confirmed that it would still be heavily based off the draft submitted by Wright and Cornish previously. And they weren't lying! There are multiple scenes that you can simply tell were written by those two if you're a big enough fan of their work. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief after reading that, and an even heavier one after seeing it for myself. By this point, I believe the person sitting next to me thought I was having a sex or something and proceeded to run away really fast. Joke's on him! I haven't had sex in years! Ha ha... ha...

The movie isn't perfect by any means either. Some of the jokes fell pretty flat, while other scenes that were supposed to be serious really weren't so serious. This didn't ruin any of my enjoyment of the movie per se, but there were multiple instances where I had to question if some of these people have ever told jokes out loud to anyone before. I was also basically being told to feel for characters who I did not have enough time to properly invest in. A shame, but then I remember that this movie has a tiny man riding a flying ant with an army of more flying ants to take on a villain and suddenly I stop worrying about all the little things (pun COMPLETELY intended!).

By about 3/4 of the way through the film, I actually stopped and turned to the person next to me, just to say "This is insane. This is absolutely insane!!!" They then proceeded to stare at me funny and slowly back away into another seat, but I think that was more the scars and burns than what I said necessarily. At least I'm pretty sure that was it... Yeah, that definitely had to be it. Anyway, I'm saying the later parts of this movie were complete and utter FUN! Any flaws you may have discovered over the movie's first half are all decimated by this point. I will NEVER f#$k with Thomas the Tank Engine ever again, and NEITHER SHOULD YOU!

8 Terrible ANTony Jokes Out Of 10

It's going to be insanely difficult holding out until 2016 to get more Marvel Cinematic Universe goodness. While waiting for next year's new releases, we'll just have to be good little kids until that time. And if you don't heed my advice, just remember this: Baskin. Robbins. ALWAYS. FINDS. OUT. Peace!

Image and video hosting by TinyPic