Sunday, April 29, 2012

Deadpool's AWESOME Review Of Kid Icarus: Uprising (Game Review)

Hell-o again fellow cretins! I bet you were all wondering when I’d be back to reign with my powers of the internet once again. Well, wait no longer as I craft yet another spectacle from my ball of awesome! Seriously, you cannot fathom the awesomeness that is this ball of awesome. What is my topic today? A video game! I felt I had something in common with Kid Icarus: Uprising, as I too was brought back from the dead after the company behind the franchise realized how completely and utterly AWESOME it would be to bring us back! So without further commercial interruption, here is Deadpool’s review of Kid Icarus: Uprising!

For starters, I was hyped to hell about this title from the day it was announced. Why? Well, look at the damn screenshots, and then smack yourself in the face for having wasted my time with such a pointless question. Then look at the video trailers and see how pretty it even looks in motion. Can you feel the insanity!?... No? Well, how about with the 3D on? Yeah, now you’re gettin’ it! It’s no secret that this has been one of the most hyped-up titles since the 3DS was even announced, and it’s not hard to see why. A combination rail-shooter/action-platformer with AR technology AND weapon customization? Oh, and did I mention it’s from the same guy that made Kirby’s Dream Land AND the Smash Bros. series!? *squeeee*

So after all the smoke has cleared, how has this one actually stacked up? Well, let’s start with the graphics. They’re a bit downgraded from the style you may remember from the characters in Smash Bros. Brawl. This is not a bad thing however, as it is still pretty damn beautiful for a title you hold in your palm. You’ll be zipping and sliding across all sorts of crazy and scenic maps, while blowing enemies to kingdom come with all your weapons through rapid fire and hardcore slashing. Honestly, I didn’t know the little tike had it in him…

The game makes all sorts of little cues to the original. Sometimes the references are awesome, and other times, I want to groan louder than a walrus when I hear them. It’s a mixed bag. The dialogue is also quite… odd. I can’t help but wonder if the dialogue in the Japanese version was the same, because hearing Pit say things like “Time to lay the smack down!” and Lady Palutena start a sentence with “Well, in today’s economy…” just makes me uncomfortable; ME! Also, the voices can be painful at times. The flamboyant voice of Hades and Thanatos were especially noteworthy. In fact, Thanatos is literally in his own category, it’s that bad. They have prisons for that kind of thing man…

So how’s the actual gameplay? Well, here’s probably the most interesting part of the review (HAHA, you still had to read the rest to get to it!). The controls are manageable, but they will likely cause your hand to cramp up, and obscenities to fall from your mouth faster than a cheetah on crack. The makers of the game actually included a stand with the game in order to try to make things easier on the player. Basically, you have one hand with the stylus to point your target reticule, and the other hand to use the analog stick and shoulder button to move Pit around and fire/attack. Here’s the real kicker though. That circle pad pro that worked AMAZINGLY with Resident Evil: Revelations (or “Revelaitons” according to one of the best box art typos ever) has little use here, other than to allow the analog stick to also be used for left-handed players. That’s right folks. Instead of actually FIXING the damn control problem and allowing the other analog stick to be used as the target reticule, they are actually giving the middle finger to left-handed gamers instead, saying they now have to buy the device in order to play the game. It’s not that I can come up with a better way off the top of my head per se, but I’d be pretty pissed if I had to pay an extra $20 to properly play a game, while fat little Jimmy across the street gets to save that $20 for another game (or for more bars of chocolate; that damn fat kid…).

The control issue is a shame, because the game is all but brilliant otherwise. I haven’t seen a crazy game of this style since maybe Sin and Punishment, and half of you people don’t even know what that is! Unfortunately, your hands will not allow you to usually play more than a few chapters in a sitting. Each chapter will usually leave you satisfied, between the flying and action-platforming, with adjustable difficulty settings to collect more hearts to buy stuff with the higher you go. This also makes the difficulty perfect for just about everyone. The boss fights are about what you would expect for a game of this type, though you do get some creative touches thrown in, especially with some of the later battles. My only complaint about them is that they go down faster than GM stock. Ba-ZING! The other great news is that the replay value of this game is through the roof, through the skyscraper, and then off through space it’s so bloody vast. The multiplayer is very well crafted, and more than worthy of creating tournaments for. The weapon customization is excellent, as there are nearly hundreds of different weapons you can fuse and craft between missions. The Streetpass and Spotpass features are also nice this time around, as passing along different weapons to friends expands your already unnecessarily huge and morbid stash of death machines. You collect little trophies similar to the ones in the Smash Bros. games, the menus look like the ones from Smash Bros., and… hell, pretty much everything else in this looks like it came straight out of Smash Bros. I guess if it ain’t broke…

One more feature I must describe because I am already wincing about it once again, is the collectible card game aspect. Nintendo doesn’t want you to simply “get” the rest of the AR cards. Oh no… That’d be too easy. Instead, they want you to be afraid… oh so very very afraid. You get six cards with the game at random (out of 20), 3 more through Club Nintendo (which I heard are already gone!), 3 through a Nintendo Power issue, 1 through a Game Informer issue, 3 through Best Buy’s @Gamer magazine, 3 more with the strategy guide, and then the rest through booster packs that you can’t even buy anywhere, but get at conventions and events!!! Do you see why this is nerve wracking!??? Oh, and one more nail on the coffin: One special card was only given out to the first 250 people who bought the game on launch day at the Nintendo World store in NYC. Were you there? Oh, you weren’t? Well, middle fingers to ya! FML… :’(

So to sum it all up, painful arthritis-inducing controls aside, you’ve got a pretty solid experience on your hands. There’s plenty to do, and you’ll easily want to go back for more when your hand has decided it wasn’t punished enough last time. I am also very proud of Pit for making a Metroid reference. You’ll get there one day kid. You’ll get there one day… ^_^

8.5 Eggplant Wizards out of 10

Now, left-handed gamers of the world, UNITE! Tell them you want your tunic-wearing angel boys just like the rest of the world!!!... On second thought, let me work on that speech first… >>

Monday, April 9, 2012

My Current Vinyl LP List

I rarely ever document any things that I own (as there are so many, it'd be tedious and nearly impossible to do), but one thing I have always kept record of (no pun intended) was my vinyl collection. On top of being a ridiculously big gamer, comic book enthusiast, tokusatsu/kaiju fanatic, anime fan, movie buff, technology freak, and every other word in the book, I am a music dork on top of it all. This is a list of all the vinyl records I currently own. I usually update this list each time I get something new. This is the progress of about 4 or so years I think. Enjoy my lack of life.

12” 33 1/3 RPM

AC/DC – Dirty Deeds Done Cheap
AC/DC – Let There Be Rock
AC/DC – Highway to Hell
AC/DC – Back in Black
Aerosmith - Aerosmith
Aerosmith – Toys in the Attic
Bryan Adams – Reckless
The Adicts – Songs of Praise (1982 UK re-issue, Fall Out Records)
The Adicts – Sound of Music
Against Me! – Against Me! Is Reinventing Axl Rose – (Blue, white, and purple swirl; 19th pressing?)
The Allman Brothers Band – Beginnings (First two albums)
The Allman Brothers Band – At Fillmore East
The Allman Brothers Band – Eat a Peach
The Allman Brothers Band – Brothers and Sisters
Anti-Flag – Underground Network
Asia – Asia
Asia – Alpha
The Association – Greatest Hits
Rick Astley – She Wants to Dance With Me (Lol, my cousins Rick-rolled me by getting me this XD)
Bad Religion – How Could Hell Be Any Worse? (Red vinyl)
Bad Religion – Into The Unknown (Red Vinyl)
Bad Religion – Suffer (Red Vinyl)
Bad Religion – No Control (Red Vinyl)
Bad Religion – Against The Grain (Red Vinyl)
Bad Religion – Generator (Red Vinyl)
Bad Religion – Recipe For Hate (Red Vinyl)
Bad Religion – Stranger Than Fiction (Red Vinyl)
Bad Religion – The Gray Race (Red Vinyl)
Bad Religion – No Substance (Red Vinyl)
Bad Religion – The New America (Red Vinyl)
Bad Religion – The Process Of Belief (Red Vinyl)
Bad Religion – The Empire Strikes First (Red Vinyl)
Bad Religion – New Maps Of Hell (Red Vinyl)
Bad Religion – The Dissent Of Man (Red Vinyl)
The Beatles – Please Please Me
The Beatles – With the Beatles
The Beatles – Introducing… The Beatles
The Beatles – Meet the Beatles
The Beatles – The Beatles’ Second Album
The Beatles – A Hard Day’s Night (UK and US pressing)
The Beatles – Something New
The Beatles – Beatles for Sale
The Beatles – Beatles 65
The Beatles – Beatles IV
The Beatles – Help (UK and US pressing)
The Beatles – Rubber Soul
The Beatles – Yesterday and Today
The Beatles – Revolver
The Beatles – Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
The Beatles – Magical Mystery Tour
The Beatles – The Beatles (aka The White Album)
The Beatles – Yellow Submarine
The Beatles – Abbey Road
The Beatles – Hey Jude
The Beatles – Let It Be
The Beatles – 1960-1977
The Beatles – Love Songs
Jeff Beck – Blow By Blow
Jeff Beck - Wired
Bioshock – I Am Rapture, Rapture Is Me (Soundtrack)
Black Flag – Damaged (SST 007 Repress)
Black Sabbath – Paranoid
Blood, Sweat, and Tears – Blood, Sweat, and Tears
Boston – Boston
Boston – Don’t Look Back
Johnny Cash/Tammy Wynette -The King – Johnny Cash/The Queen – Tammy Wynette
The Carpenters – The Singles 1969-1973
The Clash – The Clash (US and UK Pressing)
The Clash – Give ‘Em Enough Rope (US Pressing)
The Clash – London Calling (US Pressing)
John Coltrane – Blue Train
John Coltrane – A Love Supreme (Impulse Records)
John Coltrane – For You to Play – Volume 27
John Coltrane – Countdown
Cream – Fresh Cream
Cream – Disraeli Gears
Creedence Clearwater Revival – Chronicle
The Cure – Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me
The Cure – Disintegration
The D4 – 6Twenty
Miles Davis – Miles at Newport
Dead Kennedys – Fresh Fruit and the Rotting Vegetables (1st pressing, Orange Cover)
Dead Kennedys – In God we Trust Inc.
Dead Kennedys – Plastic Surgery Disasters
Dead Kennedys – Frankenchrist (w/ Giger poster)
Dead Kennedys – Bedtime for Democracy
Def Leppard – Pyromania
The Descendents - All
The Descendents – Everything Sucks
The Descendents – Cool To Be You
Devo – Freedom Of Choice
Diamond Head – Lightning to the Nations (UK 2nd pressing, 1/1000)
Diamond Head – Borrowed Time (MCA Records, 1982 US pressing)
Ronnie James Dio – Holy Diver
Ronnie James Dio – Killing The Dragon (RSD, 2088/2500)
The Doors – The Doors
The Doors – The Soft Parade
Dream Theater – Metropolis Pt. 2: Scenes From A Memory (2050/3000)
The Dropkick Murphys – Do or Die
The Dropkick Murphys – Going Out In Style
Bob Dylan – Freewheelin’ (Mono)
The Eagles – One Of These Nights
The Eagles – Greatest Hits Volume 2
Electric Light Orchestra – ELO 2
Electric Light Orchestra – Face the Music
Electric Light Orchestra - Olé ELO
Electric Light Orchestra – Out Of The Blue
Electric Light Orchestra – Discovery
Electric Light Orchestra – Xanadu
Emerson, Lake & Palmer – Emerson, Lake & Palmer
Emerson, Lake & Palmer – Tarkus
Emerson, Lake & Palmer – Trilogy
The Ergs! – Upstairs/Downstairs
Europe – The Final Countdown
The Explosion – Flash, Flash, Flash
Lars Frederiksen and the Bastards – Lars Frederiksen and the Bastards
The Gaslight Anthem – Sink or Swim
The Gaslight Anthem – The ‘59 Sound
Genesis – A Trick of the Trail
Genesis – Wind & Wuthering
Genesis - … And Then There Were Three
Genesis – Duke
Genesis - Abacab
Genesis – Genesis
Genesis – Invisible Touch
Gentle Giant – Three Friends
Gentle Giant - Octopus
Gentle Giant – Interview
Gentle Giant – The Missing Piece
Gentle Giant – Giant for a Day
Gentle Giant – Civilian
Gong – Radio Gnome Invisible Pt. 1: Flying Teapot
Green Day – 1039/Smooth
Green Day – Kerplunk
Green Day - Dookie
Green Day – Insomniac
Green Day – Warning
Green Day – American Idiot
Green Day – 21’st Century Breakdown
Guns N’ Roses – Appetite for Destruction
H2O – H20 (15th Anniversary Reissue)
Heart – Dreamboat Annie
The Hives – Barely Legal
The Hives – Veni Vidi Viscious
Hoodoo Gurus – Mars Needs Guitars!
Hoodoo Gurus – Blow Your Cool!
Hoodoo Gurus – Magnum Cum Louder
Human Sexual Response - Fig 14
Iron Maiden - Killers
Iron Maiden – Number of the Beast
Iron Maiden – Piece of Mind
Iron Maiden – Powerslave
Iron Maiden – Somewhere In Time
Michael Jackson – Thriller
Jesus Christ Superstar – Soundtrack
Jethro Tull – Benefit
Jethro Tull – Aqualung
Jethro Tull – Thick as a Brick
Billy Joel – Piano Man
Billy Joel – The Stranger
Billy Joel – 52nd Street
Billy Joel – Glass Houses
Billy Joel – The Nylon Curtain
Billy Joel – An Innocent Man
Billy Joel – The Bridge
Billy Joel – Songs in the Attic
Judas Priest – Rocka Rolla (Gull Records 1974 1st Press)
Judas Priest – Sad Wings Of Destiny
Judas Priest – Sin After Sin
Judas Priest – Stained Class
Judas Priest – Killing Machine/Hell Bent for Leather
Judas Priest – British Steel
Judas Priest – Hero, Hero
Judas Priest – Point Of Entry
Judas Priest – Screaming For Vengeance
Judas Priest – Defenders of the Faith
Judas Priest – Turbo
Judas Priest – Priest… Live!
Judas Priest – Ram It Down
Judas Priest – Nostradamus
The Protomen – Act I (The Protomen)
Kansas – Kansas
Kansas - Masque
Kansas - Leftoverture
Kansas – Point of Know Return
Kansas – Monolith
Kansas – Vinyl Confessions
Kansas – Power
Kanye West – My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
King Crimson – In The Court Of The Crimson King
King Crimson – In The Wake Of Poseidon
King Crimson – Islands
King Crimson – Starless and Bible Black
King Crimson – Beat
King Crimson – Three of a Perfect Pair
The Kinks – One For The Road
Kiss – Hotter Than Hell (NBLP 7006, 1974)
Kiss – Kiss
Kiss – Alive
Kiss – Dressed To Kill
Kiss – Destroyer
Kiss – Alive II
Kiss – Love Gun
Kiss – Dynasty
KMFDM - Naïve
Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin
Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin II
Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin III
Led Zeppelin – Led Zeppelin IV
Led Zeppelin – Houses of the Holy
Led Zeppelin – Physical Graffiti
Led Zeppelin – In Through the Out Door
Led Zeppelin - Presence
Led Zeppelin - Coda
John Lennon – Imagine
John Lennon – Double Fantasy
John Lennon – Menlove Ave.
Living Colour - Vivid
Madvillain – Madvillainy
Makeup and Vanity Set – Presents: The Protomen
The Mars Volta – Octahedron
Wynton Marsalis – Hot House Flowers
Mastodon – Blood Mountain
Meatloaf – Bat Out Of Hell
Megadeth – Peace Sells, But Who’s Buying?
Megadeth – Rust in Peace
Freddie Mercury – Barcelona (Picture Disc)
Mastodon – Blood Mountain (RSD 2010, Red Vinyl)
Metallica – Kill Em’ All (1st Press, Megaforce Records)
Metallica – Ride the Lightning
Metallica – Master of Puppets
Metallica – The $5.98 EP
Metallica - … And Justice for All
Metropolis – Soundtrack
MF Doom – Operation Doomsday
Michael Jackson – Thriller
The Misfits – Static Age
The Misfits – Walk Among Us
Molly Hatchet – Flirtin’ With Disaster
The Moody Blues – Days of Future Passed
Nirvana – In Utero
NOFX – The Longest EP
Operation Ivy – Energy (Lookout #10, 1989, Berkley California Address)
Owl City – Ocean Eyes
Pink Floyd – Dark Side of the Moon
Pink Floyd – Wish You Were Here
Pink Floyd – The Wall
The Police – Synchronicity
The Protomen – Act I (1st Pressing)
Queen – Queen
Queen – Queen II
Queen – Sheer Heart Attack
Queen – A Night at the Opera
Queen – A Day at the Races
Queen – News of the World
Queen – Jazz
Queen – Live Killers
Queen – The Game (holographic and non-holographic covers)
Queen – Flash Gordon – Soundtrack
Queen – Hot Space
Queen – The Works
Queen – A Kind Of Magic
Queen – The Miracle
Queen – Made In Heaven
Queensrÿche - Queensrÿche
Queensrÿche – The Warning
Queensrÿche – Rage For Order
Queensrÿche – Operation Mindcrime
Merry Christmas New York From the Radio City Music Hall – Soundtrack
Rainbow – Long Live Rock n’ Roll (Polydor, 1978)
The Ramones – Road To Ruin (SRK 6063, 1978)
Rancid - … And Out Come the Wolves
Rancid – Let The Dominoes Fall (RSD Boxed Set 2011)
The Rolling Stones – Sticky Fingers (with Original Zipper Cover)
Run D.M.C. – Run D.M.C.
Rush – Rush
Rush – Fly By Night (Mercury Records, 1975)
Rush – Caress Of Steel
Rush – 2112
Rush – A Farewell To Kings
Rush - Hemispheres
Rush – Permanent Waves
Rush – Moving Pictures
Rush - Signals
Rush – Grace Under Pressure
Rush – Power Windows
Rush – Hold Your Fire
Joe Satriani – Surfing With The Alien
The Sex Pistols – Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols
The Shins – Chutes Too Narrow
Paul Simon – Still Crazy After All These Years
Slade – Keep Your Hands Off My Power Supply
Slayer – Show No Mercy (Metal Blade Records 2009 Pressing, Grey-Marble Vinyl)
Slayer – Reign In Blood
The Specials – The Specials
Billy Squier – Don’t Say No
Billy Squier – Emotions in Motion
Billy Squier – Signs Of Life
Billy Squier – Enough Is Enough
Ringo Starr - Ringo
Sticks and Stones – The Optimist Club
Stray Cats – Built For Speed
Subhumans – EP-LP
Subhumans – The Day the Country Died
Tchaikovsky – First Piano Concerto
The Toasters – Skaboom (1987 Pressing)
Ultraman – Freezing Inside
Stevie Ray Vaughn – Texas Flood
Van Halen – Van Halen
Van Halen – Van Halen II
Van Halen – Women and Children First
Van Halen – Fair Warning
Van Halen – Diver Down
Van Halen – 1984
Viktor Vaughn – Vaudeville Villain
War of the Worlds – Original Broadcast
The Who – Who’s Next
The Who – Odds & Sods
The Who – It’s Hard
The Who - Tommy – Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (UK Pressing)
World Inferno/Friendship Society – Red-Eyed Soul (Bankshot! Records)
World Inferno/Friendship Society – Addicted To Bad Ideas
World Inferno/Friendship Society – The Anarchy And The Ecstasy
Wu-Tang Clan – Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)
Neil Young – Neil Young
Yes – Yes
Yes – The Yes Album
Yes – Fragile
Yes – Close To The Edge
Yes – Going For The One
Yes – Tomato
Yes – 90125

45’s and 7”s

The Brimstones – Go Ape
Flogging Molly – Don’t Shut Em’ Down (Record Store Day 2011)
The Gaslight Anthem – Senor and the Queen (Limited Edition Gold Vinyl)
Gorilla Biscuits – Gorilla Biscuits
Green Day – 1,000 Hours
Green Day – Slappy
Green Day – Sweet Children
Green Day – Minority
Johnny X And The Conspiracy – Johnny X And The Conspiracy
OFF! – The First Four EPs (Box Set)
Only Living Boy – Hide Nothing (Record Store Day 2011)
Opeth – The Throat Of Winter (Record Store Day 2011)
Operation Ivy – Hectic
Queen – Keep Yourself Alive (Record Store Day 2011)
Queen – Radio Ga Ga
The Sirs – The Sirs
Sticks and Stones – World To Be Saved, Song To Be Sung (1st Press)
Sticks and Stones – Storm Coming
Sticks and Stones – Coupe Flowers Can’t Fail
Sticks and Stones - Cynical