Monday, August 11, 2014

Deadpool's Testosterone-Infused Movie Review Of Dragon Ball Z: Battle Of Gods (2014) (Spoiler Free)

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Dragon Ball Z: Considered by many to be the greatest action series of all time (animated or otherwise). It's built up a hell of a reputation. Honestly, if you were to tell me you hadn't heard of it before, I'd question what alien race you've come from to not know about this show, or what rock you've been hiding under for all of these years (as well as if I could borrow said rock with its magical hiding properties). Yeah, it's just that big! With the original Dragon Ball spanning a total of 153 episodes, Dragon Ball Z spanning 291 episodes, the manga spanning over 519 chapters, AND all of the movies and spinoff shows, that's been a hell of a lot of time to make jokes about dragon's nether regions!

It's hard to believe that after all of these years, Akira Toriyama (the famed creator of this action/explosion goldmine) is still keeping the series going some more, and he's doing it in that trend I've seen a lot of popular anime going in lately; movie form! These days, people can't afford to sit down and watch another 200+ episodes of anime to get into the story more. Oh no. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT! Instead, the creators put all the bulk of the plot and pretty animation into smaller movie chunks. Less time to watch while getting all the payoff, and more time to spend crafting the plots to be the best they can be. While this means you won't be able to binge-watch anymore, you may in fact gain more of a life (something I don't believe many fans of this series are used to, but baby steps my children...).

So Goku and the gang are back in an all new story line, taking place right after the end of the Z series, that pretends Dragon Ball GT never even happened (a decision I think many would agree is for the better!!!). A character called Beerus (known as the GOD OF DESTRUCTION because why not), learns of Goku and how he defeated Freeza on the planet Namek (seriously, it took him THAT long just to get through the Namek saga episodes!? Weak!). Out of curiosity and a desire to fight someone closer to his own level, he sets off with his assistant Whis (I'd make a comment about these names, but Bulma's entire family is named after underwear, so yeah) to find Goku, after hearing of this prophecy of a supposed Super Saiyan god by this thing called an Oracle Fish. That enough plot for you? It's about as detailed as any other season of the show, honestly...

Now, what I'm about to say next may shock people who didn't read up on or see this movie already. If you're going in just to watch a bunch of fight scenes, then you may actually be disappointed. Why? Well, if you count all of the fight scenes in the film and add up the timing, it only comes to about 10 minutes worth of actual fighting in the entire movie.

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Now now, hold your horses!... and yellow hair. Let's continue by talking more about what this movie DOES have instead of what it DOESN'T, KK? KK. This movie may in fact be the biggest load of fanservice I've ever seen in an anime movie, let alone a DBZ feature. Now, I don't mean fanservice like boobies and skimpy outfits and the like (you can watch the first season of Dragon Ball for all of that!), but rather fanservice like seeing a bunch of the characters you grew up with, drinking, partying, singing, and even picking on each other while referencing stories as old as the series' beginnings! It's really surprising to see so much of this thrown in all at once. It's also really surprising how funny a lot of it is! I'm going to be honest with you all; the humor in Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z always came off as a bit bland and juvenile to me (which is ironic, because hi, I'm Deadpool), so I was surprised to have laughs coming straight from my gut, and into the ears of the poor unsuspecting folks who let me sit by them. I can't go into too many details about these things, but let me say that one scene (that I will dub as "The Bingo Dance") will forever change your life and the way you look at a particular badass main character of the series. It's also interesting to note that said badass character is actually more heroic than even Goku in this film. The theater crowd cheered quite loudly for two particular scenes involving him, and that crowd was srs business.

So when we do get to those itty bitty fight scenes, are they worth it? As if you had to ask. F@%K yeah, they're worth it! They may be short, but they got the job DONE! I guess if anything, you could say this movie ran like an entire season of the show would. You get some good scenes to create build up, a dot too much filler in the center (to the point where you almost forget there was a plot going on!), and some awesome punchy-punchy-shooty-shooty to rap it all up and call it a day. I'm not knocking this formula, as it's worked to create the most popular shonen manga/anime of all time. Obviously, Mr. Toriyama knows what he's doing here!

Some final interesting tidbits: Despite what I said above, this movie did not exactly end the way a season of the show normally would. We're definitely getting more of these in the near future, and the majority the movie is probably going to seem like it was just one big setup for the future storylines. That may very well be, but it's hard to deny that you're likely going to come out of this very entertained, even if a little underwhelmed in the projectile fireballs department.

If you grew up with the series like I did, and watched all the episodes and movies more times than you can count, then this movie was made for you. I felt like a 14-year-old kid again in that movie theater, and it takes a lot to get me there these days. If you're a newcomer... Well, I don't even know what to say to you then. You came into a show that spanned over 300 episodes, and were expecting to know what was going on!???... Actually, I guess it's not that hard to figure out with the show's pacing and all, but ANYWAY! GOOD MOVIE! LESS FILLER AND MORE FIGHTING NEXT TIME! KK!? KK!!

8 Cups Of Pudding For Beerus Out Of 10

I keep training every day in the hopes that somehow, I too will be able to fly and grow long yellow hair to represent badassery. Some of you had to have done it before. Any tips? Suggestions? Hair growth formula/dye recommendations???

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Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Deadpool's Glorious Movie Review Of Guardians Of The Galaxy (2014) (Mostly Spoiler-Free...ish... on a Tuesday)

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Alright, alright, alRIGHT!!! The most exciting thing besides the leaked test footage of my movie came out this week, and that thing would be the Guardians of the MOTHERF@$KING Galaxy MOTHERF@$KERS! I gave you all PLENTY of time to see it over the weekend and up until now, and even waited to post my review per the request of one of my many friends (you're lucky I like you Mary! Yes, you know which Mary you are...).

Alright, so what the hell did we just get ourselves into here!? Where to even begin... You've got Star-Lord (Chris Pratt), the only guy I've ever seen in a Marvel movie that may be a bigger douche than me, Gamora (Zoe Saldana), the sexy green alien woman who was raised by Thanos to be a crazy assassin, Rocket Raccoon (Bradley Cooper), the biggest (smallest) sailor-mouthed, gun-toting, talking Raccoon this side of Morag, Drax the Destroyer (Dave Bautista), a completely serious brute who takes EVERYTHING literally, and last but not least, Groot (Vin Diesel). He's a giant tree that's only capable of saying "I am Groot" a million times. If this description does not make you want to go out and see this movie, then how in the hell were we ever friends to begin with? You must have snuck into my friend's list or something... >_>

Without going into 'teh spoilerz' territory too much, the plot itself is pretty basic. All of the wacky characters I described above get thrown into a space prison for different offenses and band together in order to escape and eventually go on to save the galaxy (because REASONS!). What makes this movie so damn entertaining however, is the personality clashes. This is a group of people/raccoons/trees that couldn't be more different from each other, and it makes every scene spontaneous and unpredictable; just the way your resident psychopath here likes it!

Another wonderful thing I have to talk about before going any farther is... DAT SOUNDTRACK THO! Despite all of the awesome things I've already mentioned (again, a talking TREE, people!), the soundtrack may just be the best part of the whole freaking thing. We've got hits from The Runaways, David Bowie, The Jackson 5, and of course, Blue Swede with "Hooked on a Feeling." HA, just got it stuck in your head again! Now that I've got you uncontrollably dancing, let me continue... while dancing. (OOGACHAKAOOGACHAKA)

Are you by chance a fan of the Walking Dead/Doctor Who? Because there's actors from BOTH of those shows in this mother of a Marvel movie... man. And they don't just play stupid worthless throwaway parts either, but like actually ACTUAL parts! Seriously, stuff's so tight I'm running out of proper grammar to use when talking about it.

So I'm going to be honest with you fine folks about something. I honestly thought this movie was going to tank like the Howard the Duck movie (OMGWAZTHATASPOILERIDONTKNOWGAAAAH). Marvel films up to this point have for the most part been relatively serious (with bits of comedy thrown around here and there for good measure). But again, mostly srs. Srsly. This is the first time I've seen a studio try to go all out comedic with their approach. And that's not to say this movie has no feeling or serious moments, but they obviously don't dominate the film. I certainly can't blame the writers and director for going this route either, as, yes, I'm going to reference it again while I spam these commas, there is a TALKING MOTHER@$KING RACCOON AND TREE IN THIS MOVIE! COMMA, COMMA, COMMA, EXCLAMATION MARK!

So yeah, obviously everybody is loving this movie and I admit, I am too. If this is a sign of comedic Marvel movies to come (like the upcoming Ant Man film and, *gasp*, MY film!), then I think we're going to be doing just fine. I can see why people might not like it (as the silliness goes beyond words at times), but I am not one of those people, and apparently, neither are most of you reading this, so sweet! Let us keep dancing and enjoying this silly piece of "WTF did I just watch!?" for years to come!

9 References To An Eventual Infinity Gauntlet Movie Out Of 10

You could tell the people at Marvel/Disney REALLY wanted you to get to know these characters, and I think they've succeeded. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before we start seeing kids reference all of Rocket's trash talk and playing with a tiny dancing Groot plant (... seriously, can we PLEASE get that!? I'd buy like 60 of them with money I don't even have!). I'd like to interact with these people myself, but I have a feeling I'd do something to ruin it and cause them to try to kill me. What can I say? I am Groo--- ah, Deadpool. I am Deadpool... (Groot).

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