Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Deadpool's Beta Testing Agreement-Approved Review of the Playstation Now Beta!

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Alright!!! The beta for Playstation Now is finally up and I can tell everybody all about it!!! A streaming service that lets you play games right away, without having to download anything? SUWEET!

So there I was, inputting the voucher code to launch the app. What a glorious regular set of numbers and letters that turned out to be! I was so frazzled, I accidently confused a 'B' for an '8' and freaked out about how my code wasn't working right... until I caught it ten minutes later. The feeling of relief that followed was so great, that I would have fallen asleep immediately afterward, had I not remembered that I was doing this in order to try out a beta for some freaking video game streaming service! After finally entering the code properly and realizing I may not actually have to murder anyone tonight, I noticed I was still unable to download the app, bringing back the murderous thoughts I felt earlier in this sentence. This appetite for destruction was once again brought back down once I realized that I was trying to load the beta onto my PS4, when it was in fact for PS3. After this, I began to ponder on how many times I've actually gone on a murderous rampage over things that I myself caused? But I digress...

So there I was, ten minutes later; after finally finding the plug for the PS3 that was hiding behind another set of wires that I should really try to organize someday. Oh what a fat, ugly plug it was. I could almost feel it squealing at me, with all of that damn electricity it must be consuming. I finally booted it up, found it in my downloads list, and sat and pondered on the mysteries of life over the 3 minutes or so that it took to download and install. Minutes that felt like days, or weeks even. But at long last, the wait was over. It was ON the main menu, ready to be selected! All it needed was the press of my finger, caressing the 'X' button to start. This was it folks. Things were about to get REAL!

I was immediately overwhelmed by what I saw. Oh, the very thought of the things and the stuff! I pressed 'X.' Then I pressed 'X' again, just for the hell of it. After that, I had to stop and breathe for a second, because that second press of the 'X' overdid it a little and I kind of had to bring it back. Thankfully, the 'Circle' button was there to show me how it's done. What an underrated button the 'Circle' has become. What was once the main select button for games like "Final Fantasy VII," now reduced to the mere back/cancellation button. Someone needs to stand up for it. Maybe the "Triangle" button? I can dream... I can dream...

So anyway, yeah, the stuff! Oh the ridiculous stuff and all of its stuffy-ness! After pressing yet another carefully-articulated set of combinations, I decided it would be best if I continued these combinations, but in different patterns so as to continue with what I was doing without fail. This worked for the most part, but there were still a few places where I fell flat on my sexy diseased face. This did not stop me however, as I soon remembered the glory that is the 'X' button, and exclaimed to myself "... Everything's going to be okay. It's REALLY all going to be okay!" Sure enough, that button knew exactly what it was doing. It was making me start to feel bad for 'Circle' again, but I got over it when I started using the two in conjunction with each other. It shut that 'Square' button up real good. She didn't even know what to say, that gold-digging hussie! Aww, I didn't mean it baby! Deadpool's got a special place in his burned-up heart for all four of you! There there...

Let me tell you that this event was truly life-changing for me. I literally have no further words to describe it and the impact it may/may not have on the gaming community as a whole. This perfect/might not be perfect setup that may/may not have a big impact for the industry is going to leave us with plenty of things/nothing at all to talk about.

Yeah, for those who don't know, anyone participating in the Playstation Now Beta had to agree to the "Beta Testing Agreement," which prevents participants from talking about any actual details involved. I'm basically not allowed to tell you anything other than that amazing piece of literature that I carved out of my ass up there. What I can say however is this: Playstation Now is a thing. A very real thing, that will become an even more real thing as word spreads in the future. Take a few minutes to yourself, and really let that sink in...

??? out of 10

Representin' 'Circle' button, yo!

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