Mighty No. 9 Beta Impressions (PC Version)

It seems like only yesterday that Kickstarter exploded when news that Keiji Infafune would be returning to his roots with another game set in the classic Mega Man-style that we all know and love. Upon making so much money, that he literally now has an animated series in the works, gamers who pledged enough in the campaign are now eligible to download the beta of the game, as members of PAX 2014 were able to try out the game themselves. Since the hype around this upcoming game has been so ridiculous, it's hard to believe that it could even live up to it at this point. So just how well is the beta we've all been chomping at the bit to play? Depending on what you already knew about the title, you may be a bit surprised.

One could easily dismiss this as a Mega Man clone, due to its look, the style of the soundtrack, and the level structure. All of these elements do resemble previous entries in the Mega Man series, particularly X, being that Mighty No. 9 can shoot, run, and dash in a similar fashion, and the "boss fight at the end of the level" pattern remains intact. Most would say this isn't really a bad thing (as it's been a winning formula for countless decades now), but all is not exactly as it was either.

The beta only allowed us to play one level for now (though it was confirmed there will be more added in the future, before the full game release), but it was a great level to get us into the swing of things, regardless of whether it actually ends up making the full release or not. While Mighty No. 9 blasts in the same fashion as Mega Man, there is no charge shot mechanic (which classic Mega fans will recall from the earliest couple of NES/Famicom entries). To make up for this, there is a whole new trick to take out your enemies with, and it will take a little getting used to at first. When you shoot any enemy a certain number of times, they will begin to glow. As this happens, you need to dash into it in order to collect its energy (known in the game as a "Xel"). These forms of energy will grant No. 9 different enhancement types, such as increased blaster range and faster speed, if only for a short amount of time. Collecting enough Xels can also allow you to store up energy for healing later on (similar to the way energy tanks were used in the original Mega Man games).

The Xel mechanic adds a bit of depth to each stage, as you can also perform combo attacks, depending on how many enemies are in front of you and begin glowing after being fired at. This will make players want to reconsider how they go about blasting some enemies, if it will lead to more combo chains and points as the level goes on. It's also important to note that you will receive a grade at the end of the mission, and it's fairly obvious that this style of play makes for the bulk of it.

Changing things up even more was the appearance of Mighty No. 2, who appeared in the level as more of a support character. During one scene, multiple enemies were shooting at me in a far away spot that No. 9 could not reach. Before fumbling forward and losing health, Mighty No. 2 suddenly jumped next to these enemies and froze them all so I could continue. I'm very curious to see how else this and other Mighty No.'s will affect the gameplay in future stages.

Some other little nods to the Blue Bomber's past included a helper robot that would drop items for you to take, and the classic doors to the boss fight setup. Speaking of said boss...

Mighty No. 5 was an overall well-made fight. He begins by firing bullets and trying to jump over (and ON) you at every chance he gets. As the fight goes on, you will notice that even bosses can begin to glow and fall victim to the dash attack, sometimes for some major damage. The battle clearly picks up in intensity once No. 5's health hits the halfway mark. Most notable was his explosion attack, taking up more than half of the screen with each blast.

Anyone actually playing the level can tell you that it certainly looks like another Mega Man game, but that the feel is definitely something of its own. The dash and Xel mechanics changed the entire outlook of the stage, and will likely change the entire setup of the entire game if this level was any indication.

My reactions to this beta are definitely positive. I would have been happy even if the game was another Mega Man clone, but since it's not, I find that to be much better as a whole. I really believe this is going to be everything it's been hyped up to be and then some. My hat goes off to Inafune and the team, for coming together to start this new project with all of its fans in mind. Now when can we get those new levels!?

Deadpool's Testosterone-Infused Movie Review Of Dragon Ball Z: Battle Of Gods (2014) (Spoiler Free)

Dragon Ball Z: Considered by many to be the greatest action series of all time (animated or otherwise). It's built up a hell of a reputation. Honestly, if you were to tell me you hadn't heard of it before, I'd question what alien race you've come from to not know about this show, or what rock you've been hiding under for all of these years (as well as if I could borrow said rock with its magical hiding properties). Yeah, it's just that big! With the original Dragon Ball spanning a total of 153 episodes, Dragon Ball Z spanning 291 episodes, the manga spanning over 519 chapters, AND all of the movies and spinoff shows, that's been a hell of a lot of time to make jokes about dragon's nether regions!

It's hard to believe that after all of these years, Akira Toriyama (the famed creator of this action/explosion goldmine) is still keeping the series going some more, and he's doing it in that trend I've seen a lot of popular anime going in lately; movie form! These days, people can't afford to sit down and watch another 200+ episodes of anime to get into the story more. Oh no. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT! Instead, the creators put all the bulk of the plot and pretty animation into smaller movie chunks. Less time to watch while getting all the payoff, and more time to spend crafting the plots to be the best they can be. While this means you won't be able to binge-watch anymore, you may in fact gain more of a life (something I don't believe many fans of this series are used to, but baby steps my children...).

So Goku and the gang are back in an all new story line, taking place right after the end of the Z series, that pretends Dragon Ball GT never even happened (a decision I think many would agree is for the better!!!). A character called Beerus (known as the GOD OF DESTRUCTION because why not), learns of Goku and how he defeated Freeza on the planet Namek (seriously, it took him THAT long just to get through the Namek saga episodes!? Weak!). Out of curiosity and a desire to fight someone closer to his own level, he sets off with his assistant Whis (I'd make a comment about these names, but Bulma's entire family is named after underwear, so yeah) to find Goku, after hearing of this prophecy of a supposed Super Saiyan god by this thing called an Oracle Fish. That enough plot for you? It's about as detailed as any other season of the show, honestly...

Now, what I'm about to say next may shock people who didn't read up on or see this movie already. If you're going in just to watch a bunch of fight scenes, then you may actually be disappointed. Why? Well, if you count all of the fight scenes in the film and add up the timing, it only comes to about 10 minutes worth of actual fighting in the entire movie.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!?"
Now now, hold your horses!... and yellow hair. Let's continue by talking more about what this movie DOES have instead of what it DOESN'T, KK? KK. This movie may in fact be the biggest load of fanservice I've ever seen in an anime movie, let alone a DBZ feature. Now, I don't mean fanservice like boobies and skimpy outfits and the like (you can watch the first season of Dragon Ball for all of that!), but rather fanservice like seeing a bunch of the characters you grew up with, drinking, partying, singing, and even picking on each other while referencing stories as old as the series' beginnings! It's really surprising to see so much of this thrown in all at once. It's also really surprising how funny a lot of it is! I'm going to be honest with you all; the humor in Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z always came off as a bit bland and juvenile to me (which is ironic, because hi, I'm Deadpool), so I was surprised to have laughs coming straight from my gut, and into the ears of the poor unsuspecting folks who let me sit by them. I can't go into too many details about these things, but let me say that one scene (that I will dub as "The Bingo Dance") will forever change your life and the way you look at a particular badass main character of the series. It's also interesting to note that said badass character is actually more heroic than even Goku in this film. The theater crowd cheered quite loudly for two particular scenes involving him, and that crowd was srs business.

So when we do get to those itty bitty fight scenes, are they worth it? As if you had to ask. F@%K yeah, they're worth it! They may be short, but they got the job DONE! I guess if anything, you could say this movie ran like an entire season of the show would. You get some good scenes to create build up, a dot too much filler in the center (to the point where you almost forget there was a plot going on!), and some awesome punchy-punchy-shooty-shooty to rap it all up and call it a day. I'm not knocking this formula, as it's worked to create the most popular shonen manga/anime of all time. Obviously, Mr. Toriyama knows what he's doing here!

Some final interesting tidbits: Despite what I said above, this movie did not exactly end the way a season of the show normally would. We're definitely getting more of these in the near future, and the majority the movie is probably going to seem like it was just one big setup for the future storylines. That may very well be, but it's hard to deny that you're likely going to come out of this very entertained, even if a little underwhelmed in the projectile fireballs department.

If you grew up with the series like I did, and watched all the episodes and movies more times than you can count, then this movie was made for you. I felt like a 14-year-old kid again in that movie theater, and it takes a lot to get me there these days. If you're a newcomer... Well, I don't even know what to say to you then. You came into a show that spanned over 300 episodes, and were expecting to know what was going on!???... Actually, I guess it's not that hard to figure out with the show's pacing and all, but ANYWAY! GOOD MOVIE! LESS FILLER AND MORE FIGHTING NEXT TIME! KK!? KK!!

8 Cups Of Pudding For Beerus Out Of 10

I keep training every day in the hopes that somehow, I too will be able to fly and grow long yellow hair to represent badassery. Some of you had to have done it before. Any tips? Suggestions? Hair growth formula/dye recommendations???

Deadpool's Glorious Movie Review Of Guardians Of The Galaxy (2014) (Mostly Spoiler-Free...ish... on a Tuesday)

Alright, alright, alRIGHT!!! The most exciting thing besides the leaked test footage of my movie came out this week, and that thing would be the Guardians of the MOTHERF@$KING Galaxy MOTHERF@$KERS! I gave you all PLENTY of time to see it over the weekend and up until now, and even waited to post my review per the request of one of my many friends (you're lucky I like you Mary! Yes, you know which Mary you are...).

Alright, so what the hell did we just get ourselves into here!? Where to even begin... You've got Star-Lord (Chris Pratt), the only guy I've ever seen in a Marvel movie that may be a bigger douche than me, Gamora (Zoe Saldana), the sexy green alien woman who was raised by Thanos to be a crazy assassin, Rocket Raccoon (Bradley Cooper), the biggest (smallest) sailor-mouthed, gun-toting, talking Raccoon this side of Morag, Drax the Destroyer (Dave Bautista), a completely serious brute who takes EVERYTHING literally, and last but not least, Groot (Vin Diesel). He's a giant tree that's only capable of saying "I am Groot" a million times. If this description does not make you want to go out and see this movie, then how in the hell were we ever friends to begin with? You must have snuck into my friend's list or something... >_>

Without going into 'teh spoilerz' territory too much, the plot itself is pretty basic. All of the wacky characters I described above get thrown into a space prison for different offenses and band together in order to escape and eventually go on to save the galaxy (because REASONS!). What makes this movie so damn entertaining however, is the personality clashes. This is a group of people/raccoons/trees that couldn't be more different from each other, and it makes every scene spontaneous and unpredictable; just the way your resident psychopath here likes it!

Another wonderful thing I have to talk about before going any farther is... DAT SOUNDTRACK THO! Despite all of the awesome things I've already mentioned (again, a talking TREE, people!), the soundtrack may just be the best part of the whole freaking thing. We've got hits from The Runaways, David Bowie, The Jackson 5, and of course, Blue Swede with "Hooked on a Feeling." HA, just got it stuck in your head again! Now that I've got you uncontrollably dancing, let me continue... while dancing. (OOGACHAKAOOGACHAKA)

Are you by chance a fan of the Walking Dead/Doctor Who? Because there's actors from BOTH of those shows in this mother of a Marvel movie... man. And they don't just play stupid worthless throwaway parts either, but like actually ACTUAL parts! Seriously, stuff's so tight I'm running out of proper grammar to use when talking about it.

So I'm going to be honest with you fine folks about something. I honestly thought this movie was going to tank like the Howard the Duck movie (OMGWAZTHATASPOILERIDONTKNOWGAAAAH). Marvel films up to this point have for the most part been relatively serious (with bits of comedy thrown around here and there for good measure). But again, mostly srs. Srsly. This is the first time I've seen a studio try to go all out comedic with their approach. And that's not to say this movie has no feeling or serious moments, but they obviously don't dominate the film. I certainly can't blame the writers and director for going this route either, as, yes, I'm going to reference it again while I spam these commas, there is a TALKING MOTHER@$KING RACCOON AND TREE IN THIS MOVIE! COMMA, COMMA, COMMA, EXCLAMATION MARK!

So yeah, obviously everybody is loving this movie and I admit, I am too. If this is a sign of comedic Marvel movies to come (like the upcoming Ant Man film and, *gasp*, MY film!), then I think we're going to be doing just fine. I can see why people might not like it (as the silliness goes beyond words at times), but I am not one of those people, and apparently, neither are most of you reading this, so sweet! Let us keep dancing and enjoying this silly piece of "WTF did I just watch!?" for years to come!

9 References To An Eventual Infinity Gauntlet Movie Out Of 10

You could tell the people at Marvel/Disney REALLY wanted you to get to know these characters, and I think they've succeeded. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before we start seeing kids reference all of Rocket's trash talk and playing with a tiny dancing Groot plant (... seriously, can we PLEASE get that!? I'd buy like 60 of them with money I don't even have!). I'd like to interact with these people myself, but I have a feeling I'd do something to ruin it and cause them to try to kill me. What can I say? I am Groo--- ah, Deadpool. I am Deadpool... (Groot).

Deadpool's Pretentious Movie Review Of Lucy (2014)

Howdy y'all! I feel like it's been over 63 days since my last review, or some other arbitrary number to distract from the fact that I actually counted. How's the summer life been treating 'ya? Did you get that hot beach body you always dreamed of? What? What do you mean you binge-watched Netflix all month!? There's more important things to do than marathon Breaking Bad just because the fourth season left you gasping for air at what would happen next and basically forced you to miss work to catch up... Boy, I really need to shut up...

So Scarlet Johannson has certainly stepped up her game as an actress lately. I'm sure her Black Widow part in all the Marvel movies helped, but I think people are finally starting to see that she's destined for great things, and it's actually (stay with me here) NOT just because of her looks. OMGNOWAIDIDHERLYJUSTSAYTHAT!? Yes. I did. Twice if you read my Cap 2 review. She's proven she can play a deep and emotional character without having to rely on the 'assets' to get by. So what the hell do we have going on with her in this film? Read the next paragraph to find out!!!

Welcome to the next paragraph. Here, I will be describing what the hell we have going on with her in this film. Lucy is a party-hardy 25 year old woman, who gets involved with a boyfriend that tricks her into delivering a drug called CPH4 to his boss. She then gets caught into having to smuggle this drug after having it sewn into her freaking abdomen!!! After that round of exclamation marks, certain events cause some of the drug to enter into her blood stream. From here, everything goes topsy-turvy in a way that would make Beyblade blush (I know you play with them too, DON'T LIE!). As Morgan Freeman (playing a professor who does research on the possible capabilities of the human brain once we reach beyond the 10% capacity limit we are said to have) comes into the picture, he sort of helps to explain everything we end of up seeing throughout the rest of the film. And that's fine, because this man could read anything to me out loud and I'd still be pleased. We really need to clone his voice somehow, maybe even create a voice changer? (Don't steal that idea, I came up with it first?... >_>)

What really makes the movie from this point, is the ways Lucy reacts to the increased brain capacity and the things she does with those abilities after she gains them. If she didn't help carry the plot and action of this movie, I'm not sure how I would have felt about it as is. Let's be honest about a few things: The beginning of this movie was... kinda lousy! It actually started out really goofy and I'm not sure if that was intentional or not (which makes it way worse to think about!). Luc Besson is a... weird writer/director. And that's coming from ME! He seems to enjoy using a lot of symbolism to help bring points across as he's creating a scene to play as some type of metaphor to another scenario. It works well in some places, and raises a lot of questions in others.

Things only get crazier and crazier as the movie starts to shift into climax-gear. The action and overall pace of the story worked quite well, as well as some of the interesting effects and scenery you're given. But there enlies a problem in all of this, which I simply can't keep to this sexy persona any longer! If I were to ever meet Mr. Besson, I'd have quite a few questions for him regarding this story, but one in particular would stand out:

BRO, DO YOU EVEN SCIENCE!?

I don't care how much or little you really know about the scientific theories presented in this film. The idea that the director presents here about increased brain capability is absolutely bat-s@$t insane, and makes no sense from a scientific standpoint, especially if you're looking into the theories about time and linearity. I actually kind of wish Besson would have hired a scientist just to consult with him over the real theories behind this concept. Now this isn't to insult him, or the structure and presentation of the movie itself. I actually thought everything after the first two scenes was really well made and acted. The problem is that once all is said and done, you'll likely feel (like I just said I did!) that this film could have been something greater. Something more! As an action film, it pretty much works in the way a lot of the great Hong Kong flicks do. As a science fiction film, it stumbles quite a bit however. I'm not happy about this either, because I really wanted this movie to do great after viewing the first trailer. All of the ingredients are there, and this could have been something much more memorable and lasting.

In the end, I'm afraid not many people are going to see this as anything more than a Redbox rental, and as I said fifty other times, that makes me really sad. I almost want to become a filmmaker just to remake something like this fifteen years later and fix all the things I thought were wrong. Seriously though, this is not a bad movie by any stretch; but there are some things you need to understand going into it, in order to avoid scratching your head. For one, you have to accept the fact that the scientific theory will make no bloody damn sense. For another, you have to know that things pick up after the first and second scene quite a bit, and that it's worth getting through those to find the "good stuff" that follows. Third, you need to DEAL WITH IT! The movie doesn't care about you or what you think. I'm pretty sure I heard it muttering some rude things about your mother the other night too.

7 Scientific Inaccuracies Out Of 10

Now I need to go prepare for Guardians of the Galaxy, but I won't just forget or leave this movie in the dust... Yet... Besson certainly left you thinking about quite a few things, even if it was for the wrong reasons. I should come up with some crazy scientific theories of my own, and see if they actually come through someday. First will be that you automatically increase in coolness level when you put on sunglasses. This is now law. DEAL WITH IT!

Deadpool's Unforgotten Movie Review of X-Men: Days Of Future Past (2014)

Wowee zowee folks! Have I got a doozie of a review for you! If you thought that Fox was dead in the dumps when it came to their X-Men movies, I think we might finally have something that'll wipe that ugly trash-talking smirk off your Cheetos-encrusted face!... Yeah, I eat them too...

So what do you do when you have a decent first film, an excellent sequel, a GODAWFUL sequel to THAT, and two spinoff movies than can only be described with the following picture?:

(Though to be fair, X-Men: First Class was pretty boss.)
You RETCON IT OUT OF EXISTENCE, FOOLS! That's right. You take a classic X-Men comic story involving time travel to undo all of the crap that made you start to hate the franchise in the first place! Brilliant! But what's this story actually about anyway? Well, the plot is still pretty simple overall: Sentinals have decided to now look nothing like the ones in the comics and are obliterating everything and everyone. The remaining mutants in the world all band together to devise a way to stop them. This eventually results in Wolvie (Hugh Jacked-Man)'s mind being sent back to his body in the 70's to prevent this cataclysmic future from ever occurring. Certainly engaging enough to keep you interested right off the bat, right? But wait! There's MORE!

Because this is a time travel story, we get to see great acting performances from BOTH sets of casts from the previous series (the original, and the all-new younger super hip teen group), along with some new additions. So you get your Halle Berry as Storm fantasies brought back to life, you get your Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique fantasies brought back to life, and now your Peter Dinklage as Bolivar Trask fantasies also come to form!... Come on, I know you're out there. Tyrion Lannister fans in the houuuuuuuuuse!!!! >_>

Some interesting differences occur between the original comic (which compromised of a measly TWO issues, despite what Marvel will tell you with those gigantic graphic novels full of side-stories) and the movie. For one, the comic takes place during the year it was written, 1980, with the future year being 2013. (So yeah... apparently we've already been saved from this threat according to Marvel. Go mutants!!!) In the movie, we go back to 1973, which apparently makes for much funnier inside jokes about the era, and Richard Nixon. What was really different this time around however, is the person who actually travels back in time! In the comic, it was none other Kitty Pride herself! Ellen Page still does a great job with her part in this movie, but I wish we could have seen her do more in this.

Without going into spoilers about who, where, what, why, and when (because I already answered that last one!), we are also introduced to the character Quicksilver, played by Evan Peters. For those who already know about his powers and history, you can imagine why he's an interesting addition to the crew. He also happens to have one of the best and funniest scenes in the entire movie. If you've seen it in theaters, then you know what I'm talking about. You couldn't even hear anything else besides the crowd howling..., and that damn baby who wouldn't shut up. You know who you are, baby. You know what you did...

Seeing both the older and newer casts come together was really an interesting sight to behold, and pretty much everyone played their roles perfectly. Jennifer Lawrence almost stole the entire show once again, which is really saying something since Hugh Jackman was practically leading all of these movies otherwise. While Lawrence killed it with the emotional performance, Jackman literally killed everything in the room. I also owe an honorable mention to James McAvoy who's young Charles Xavier really hit the part and the emotion of his situation down pat. Twas' good times all around!

Working with time travel is never an easy thing to do or explain in the long run of a storyline. Doctor Who is the worst victim of this, as the more plot threads get developed, the more things become wibbly wobbly and timey wimey all in the course of a few seasons. I'm happy to say that for the most part, this movie plays out the time travel card well, and without too many hiccups (though they are a few, but it's all nitpicking at this point). I also liked their theory about time being like a pool of water, where you can drop a pebble in it, but eventually the waves will come back to form. That s@#t was deep, son.

My condolences also go out to the baseball stadium that was sacrificed in the crossfire of this movie's character battles. I'll be attending the funeral next week and giving a speech about how he was a jolly-ol stadium and lived his concrete life to the fullest. *sniff*

... The White House suffered too, but I didn't give a s@#t about that...

The movie also leaves you with a lot of questions and an after credits sequence that will make even the most casual comic book readers eyes gleam with anticipation. I know I'm on board!

9 references to 70's humor out of 10

Hey, if all of that stuff was undone... then that means... THERE'S STILL HOPE FOR A DEAPOOL MOVIE!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I'll hopefully see you all on the flipside now that there IS a literal flipside!

Deadpool's Anatomically Correct Movie Review Of Godzilla (2014)

I don't know about you people (that's right, YOU people!), but when I think of spring/summer blockbusters, I usually associate them with action and a ton of explosions, and yet I still can't help but loathe everything Michael Bay stands for. Go figure. Well, with this point in the year, we've now been granted access to a reboot of one of the biggest franchises in all of Japan. Say it with me folks, "IT'S GODZILLAAAAAA!!!!"

That's right everyone. After finally realizing how much America completely effed' up the big green guy in 1998, Gareth Edwards decided to take the mantle and start things from scratch. And that's what they literally did. This is a reboot straight from the beginning of it all. You'll immediately notice little winks and nudges to the original story with lines like "In 1954, we awakened something..." amongst many others.

It's also nice to finally see Bryan Cranston in something after the awesomazingness that was Breaking Bad. Even if the trailer kind of lied to us in terms of how much we'd actually be seeing him here; he's in this, and he's awesome in it. As the over-the-top scientist Joe Brody, Cranston does an excellent job of convincing us that "s@#t just got real" and that more importantly, "s@#t's about to get realer if we don't do something about it!"

Joe Brody's son, Ford is one of the other most important human characters that you'll come across. While Joe's character was more to relay the craziness going on around you, Ford's part is more the character that actually goes and tries to stop the madness taking place. While he's got nothing on Cranston (yes, I am completely biased, thank you for asking!), he still gets the job done, even if most of the human acting in this is a bit on the stale side. But let's be honest here; who the hell goes into a Godzilla movie for human drama? I'll tell you who...: Communists. There, I said it.

So you may or may not be surprised when I tell you this film is actually quite slow-paced in its first half. How does that make you feel? Personally, I was a little off-put by it at first, but that was only because I didn't know about the super ultra omega crazy awesome dominance that was the second half. But more about that later. Let's get to the real reptilian meat of this review: MOTHERF@#KING GOJIRA MOTHERF@#KERS!!!

So as many of you already know, the new Godzilla... has put on a few pounds. But that's okay! In today's day and age, Americans have learned to appreciate the voluptuous curves and the love (handles) that they bring. Personally, I like 'em with a little meat on their bones myself... Ah, giant lizards I mean. What did you think I was talking about!?... Perv...

So on top of being as wide as a house, the new Godzilla is also quite tall. In fact, I believe this is the tallest he's ever been on screen. Those MUTO creatures he comes to face don't stand a chance... Or do they? SPOILER FREE REVIEW, BITCH! Go and watch it like the rest of us and see! Muahahaha, I cracketh me up.

So, that second half of the movie, right? While the slow pacing in the first half is going to be at a bit of a downer for some (and understandably so), and others are going to argue that he didn't get nearly enough screentime (also understandable; hell I even agree with that one!), the remains that when he does finally have his time to shine, BOY does he shine like someone stuck a sun up his scaly behind! I can name offhand, two particular moments that actually caused the theater audience to shout and clap almost uncontrollably. It was THAT good!

The camera angles do a good job of making you feel like you're part of the cast, and thrown into this nuclear clusterf@#ck alongside everyone else. You'll never see the camera pointing over the monster's heads; always below, where we belong on their laughably better scale of the food chain. While the science behind the entire thing wasn't really explained with as much detail as the original classic film, it was enough to guide you through the motions and not make you feel like you were being talked down to as an audience at the same time. And that's good, because we've got plenty of news networks that already try that shtick on us (and unfortunately succeed... Seriously, who ARE you people?).

The soundtrack is likely not going to be too memorable to the casual ear, but again, fans of the classic film will notice a lot of similarities in the simplicity and ferocity behind it all. It's got all the pounding drums and ferocious trumpet-work you could possibly want in this, and I'll look back on the whole thing pretty positively.

So overall, this movie was actually quite awesome, even despite the slow beginning and hit-or-miss actors that went along for the ride. Every insult you could possibly come up with (besides Fatty McFattFatt) is more or less overturned by the excellent results of the later half. If you like your movies with destruction, but a decent plot to pull it altogether, it's hard to go wrong with this Dinosaur/Reptile/Lizard/Thingy!

8 Shots of Ice Breath Out of 10

Giant Lizard/Dinosaur/Whatevs are no joke, people! I've fought many of their kind in the past. They're always self-conscious about their weight, they act like eating an extra twig is somehow going to be considered "cheating," they always breath really loudly in your face... Eh, but they are nice to cuddle definitely... Ah, of course I'm still talking about giant lizards! Goodnight folks! >_>

Deadpool's Lack-Of-Spider-Puns Movie Review Of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

Happy weekend everybody! Hope you all got your fill of comic-y goodness these last few days. Between the release of the new Amazing Spider-Man #1 (comic), Free Comic Book Day, AND the release of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (film), this has been one hell of a time (especially for Marvel, who is clearly making BANK on all three of these things)!

Even before coming out, we already knew this series of movies was suffering some pretty bad backlash from fans. The number of people who actually wanted another Spider-Man reboot only five years after Sam Raimi's Spider-Man 3 were a whopping ZERO, so it was only natural we were all going to hate on it before we even knew what it was. Once we did know, that only made it worse for many once again. But if you look back on my super mega shiny coated review of the first film, you'll remember I actually still gave it a decent score. I think Andrew Garfield did a great job with the part (mainly in the Spider-Man aspect), and Emma Stone was an excellent Gwen Stacy (even if she really SHOULD have been Mary Jane instead in my freaking opinion).

So now we come back to things years later. The movie immediately starts with another flashback about Peter's parents. Those hoping Marc Webb would just drop it with them will be disappointed when they get proverbially slapped across the face multiple times by their inclusion in this movie. I personally don't mind going into their background more, as I felt there were things purposely left out of the first film in order to flesh their story out more here. I still wonder if they're trying to go a route similar to J. Michael Straczynski's "Spider Totem" story arc. If you don't know what that is, you might want to brush up just in case they try to make this sheet canon in the long run.

Once we get back to Spidey and the gang, we are treated to some of the corniest and most groan-inducing superhero movie scenes since the 90's. I'm not kidding. The first quarter or so of this movie almost made me want to write the entire thing off, it was that badly done. I'm sure kids will find Spidey pulling a guy's pants down with his webbing to be hilarious, but I think most people in the audience are going to roll their eyes during all of this. And don't even get me started on the image of Captain Stacy haunting Peter because he didn't keep his promise. Just. Don't. Even.

Things don't really get any better with the introduction of Jamie Foxx's character, Max Dillon/Electro. Completely socially awkward in the way that's really just sad/annoying instead of funny/uplifting, he bumbles from place to place, talks to himself, and is completely obsessed with the wall-craller. Come to think of it, that sounds a lot like Justin, the guy who writes these blogs... HAHA. He still can't eat sugar...

Thankfully, the rest of movie picks up significantly. Harry Osborne (played by Dane DeHaan) actually does a ridiculously good job with the character, making you really feel for his predicament, but also want to jump in there and slap him across the face for being an ignorant rich white person. All in all, that's what I call GOOD acting!

The action also brings itself to a whole new level when Electro hits the stage. The city starts lightning up and powering down like crazy when Electro fights Spider-Man... with the power of DUBSTEP! I always said that kind of music was going to kill people, and NOW I HAVE THE PROOF! The effects budget clearly went into all of these scenes, and it shows. They look..., dare I say it, amazing! THIS is the reason to see the movie in theaters above all else. There were even some creative musical touches as the movie went on. I wonder if Jamie Foxx himself actually had anything to do with that, as it doesn't seem like something that the other people behind the film would have thought of.

Of course I have to give a nod off to the chemistry between Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone once again. They are the cutest damn couple, and it's actually kind of unfair how cute they are. How the hell are the rest of us supposed to compete in the P.D.A. department when that kind of s@#t is going around!? (For those who didn't already know, they're actually dating in real life now. SPOILERZ! LAWL!)

But now I have to bring us back to the bad... This movie is bloody ALL OVER THE PLACE! Every time someone is getting somewhere with something, the scene flips over to another thing! By the end of the movie, you're really going to feel like you were just there to watch a long, wibbly wobbly primer for the inevitable sequel. It also doesn't help that any impact of the "big climactic scene" near the end was more or less lost due to the rush job thrown in at the end. Did the creators learn nothing from Spider-Man 3!? You need to LIMIT the number of villains in these films, not tack on as many as you can fit! GAAAAH!!! Unfortunately, my worst fear was confirmed in that just like Spider-Man 3, they tried to do far too much in one film and caused another pacing disaster-fest. I'm not going to knock the entire movie over this (as I still consider it to be better than Spider-Man 3, and slightly better than the first Amazing Spider-Man), but surely these directors and producers have to realize what a pain this is to the fans, and classy young reviewers such as myself. *BURP*

All in all, this movie is still enjoyable, and the fight scenes and effects are sure to dazzle. The story however, could have used some serious work, in order to feel less like someone chopped up a bunch of storyboards and mixed them all together in a cauldron. Personally, I wish they could mix the Peter Parker of Tobey Maguire with the Spider-Man of Andrew Garfield to form the true Ultimate Spider-Man... No pun intended.

7.5 Tangled Webs Weaved Out Of 10 (Yes, I'm aware that's the same score I gave the first one. BITE ME!)

And of course, like a sucker, we're all going to see the next movie regardless of how it turns out. I'm sure Sony realizes this too, even if it didn't make as much opening weekend as any of the Sam Raimi Spider-Man films. All I know is I now have a new fight style to train in... The style of DUBSTEP!!!

WUB WUB WUB WUB!!!