We've been doing this a long time, you and I. I'm amazed you keep coming back. Honestly, who'd have thought? I mean, here I am, just sitting here on my computer, typing whatever the hell I want to type about these ridiculous super hero movies that the big companies continue to churn out. And you read it. You actually freaking read it!!! You are the best kind of lemmings this merc could have ever asked for. I'd cry if I were capable of any human emotion behind a keyboard. Or am I? I mean, I guess I could say I'm crying right now. Would that work? Because yeah, I'm TOTALLY doing that right now... Yeah. >_>
So Apocalypse is really here. Of all the big bad X-Men villains we've seen, we finally get one of the actual biggest and baddest EVAR. The Age of Apocalypse comic event was one of Marvel's biggest. By biggest I don't mean in sales, but in sheer size! Seriously, you try being a young pre-teen, and grasping the idea that part 2 of a story is in a completely different X-Men book than the last! "To read part 1, get X-Men: Alpha #1, for part 2, read Age of Apocalypse: The Chosen, and for part 3, read X-Men Super Power Omega Ramalamadingdong, etc." You people are all lucky you have graphic novels and the internet to make heads or tails of that one!
So I'll get the obvious glaring issue out of the way first, before we get into the details of the movie itself. I know you all saw the same pictures I did, and began judging and casting those first stones. The Apocalypse in this movie obviously doesn't look much like the Apocalypse of the comics. In fact, it looks downright bad! It's like Ivan Ooze had sex with the alien from Prometheus or something! (What? If people can talk about how ugly I looked in MY movie, then I can do the same for this Papa Smurf reject!) Seriously, when freaking cosplayers can get the look down better, you might be doing something wrong. But that's exactly what I find so odd. Just about everything else was done SO RIGHT! Psylocke looks like Psylocke! Storm looks like Storm! The snozberries taste like snozberries!!! Everything looked dead on except for him, and it's troublesome...
WITH that glaring flaw out of the way, let's go into the actual movie. There is a lot going on here. Like, so much so, that I can honestly say there is no filler to be found. There wouldn't have been any time for it, there was THAT much really happening. Apocalypse as a character, dates back to before 3600 BC, going back to a time of pyramids and really awkward loincloth-wearing. Even more frustrating is the fact that he is knocked out and goes to sleep for thousands of years, preventing me from asking him if any of the things that frizzy-haired guy in Ancient Aliens said were true (I mean, it's not like I REALLY think anything he said is accurate, but.. I'd just... like... to know, you know!?...). So lucky us, he awakens, in 1983, just in time to set the premise of this new movie, featuring all of the younger actors we've seen these past few films. I think it's safe to say at this point, that the movies have basically undergone a reboot, featuring all of the newer actors, save for one special cameo, near and dear to my cruel and irredeemable heart.
We get to see the origins of other popular mutants, like Jean Grey, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, Storm, Jubilee, and many many others. I think one of the main reasons it was so hard to breathe with the pacing of this film, was that there were simply SO many characters to cover, you could fill and entire clown car and beyond with them! This was already on top of the established characters from the previous movies (Mystique, Professor Xavier, Beast, and others). This movie is the anti-Dragon Ball Z. It wasted absolutely no time in getting us going. Stick that up your pipe and smoke it, Vegeta! (Please don't hurt me, I'm allergic to attacks with the name "Big Bang" in them...)
Despite all of these great new origins, and a really excellent cast, we don't get a lot of time to see them develop because of it. Now, this is fine for all of the established characters we already know and love, but for the newcomers, it's a bit more difficult. That's not to say they didn't have ANY development at all (with Scott and Jean being the main exceptions); just that they all had a lot to compete with for screen time. I'm just saying, not having many X-Men in my first movie is turning into a blessing the more I continue to watch this.
The movie has structure, don't get me wrong. In fact, the plot was very detailed and layered, hence having to move at suck a brisk pace. It almost felt like some moments lost their meaning due to quickness. It's like "This happens. Then this happens. And then we move on to the section where this happens!" You'd think Quicksilver wrote this movie, it went along so fast! Isaac Asimov kind of wrote that way too, and it seemed to work for the Foundation books, but you don't even know what that is, so why I am I bothering... So anyway, the movie felt like every scene had to rush in order to meet some super duper quota! But I don't want to make this all sound like a bad thing. I still came out pretty satisfied in the end. Why? Proceed to next paragraph.
Thank you for proceeding to the next paragraph. But seriously, proceed to the NEXT paragraph for an actual answer to the question.
Trust me when I say that this movie had multiple shining moments. There are two really obvious ones that come to mind: Quicksilver (who pretty much steals the movie AGAIN, whether you like it or not!), and that super awesomazing cameo that I'm supposed to keep a secret (even though I'm pretty sure most of you already know who it is... TEE HEE!). If these two moments alone don't make you feel like this was worth seeing, then I don't even know why you come to these movies in the first place! I feel we need to create a new Oscar for "Best use of slo-mo in a musical montage," just so we can give it to Evan Peters and call it a day. All of his major scenes, both from the last film and this one, have had the audience absolutely howling with laughter, and that's no small feat, as there were no wolves present in the audience (that I'm aware of). I also got a chuckle out of the movie's use of Metallica's "The Four Horseman" track here. When you pay attention to the plot of the movie, you'll know why that song's inclusion is actually funny as hell.
Apocalypse is supposed to be a big deal in the X-Men universe, and thankfully, the movie does him justice in that regard, Ivan Ooze similarities be damned! He is completely menacing, and has shown that he is easily one of the most powerful mutants in existence. Once again, I am glad he is not in my movie! The final fight scene at the end really brought things to a peak. You were left almost speechless by the time the dust settled, and I mean that in a great way.
So despite all of my issues with the pacing of the movie, I still ended up enjoying myself a hell of a lot, as did most of my other peeps who were already fans of this series to begin with. Some may criticize Bryan Singer's direction with these movies, but he's A-OKAY in my book! This may not grip you the same way that First Class or Days of Future Passed did, but the fact that a third entry by the same director can still turn out this well is quite surprising in itself. And rest assured, these X-Men movies by Fox are far from over... TL;DR - Stop looking for things to hate on and just enjoy them for what they are!!!... Unless they're sexist, racist, bigoted, or homophobic. F@#K that s@#t.
7.5 Dangling Plot Threads Out Of 10
Hey Fox, now that you're going to make a hell of a lot of money off of an X-Men movie once again, how about putting a little more money back into the Deadpool sequel's direction? I've proven I can make you more money than you give me to work with, so what's the problem!? Look, if this is about that time I accidentally started that fire after purposely killing that guy, I can explain!!!...
Better late than never, right!? Thanks to the help of others, I was able to obtain and read a majority of the comics that were released for FCBD 2016, and have finally been able to compile a list of my top picks, along with descriptions under each entry. Enjoy!
10. 2000 AD Special FCBD 2016 Edition
One of the best things about reading 2000 AD comics each year for FCBD, is that you get a host of great short stories from all kinds of writers, and this year's edition is no different. If you can't decide what you want to go for this Free Comic Book Day, this could actually be a great place to start, due to the sheer variety of sci-fi and dystopian stories you get.
9. The Phantom: 80th Anniversary Special FCBD Edition
For those who may not already know, The Phantom was one of comic book's first superheroes, and the first ever to wear a skintight costume (which you all know became a staple of superheroes going forward!). Original Phantom comics and graphic novels are not so easy to collect, especially if you're not made of money. For that purpose alone, I welcome this release, as well as the others we've seen over the years. The stories in this issue are taken from "The Charlton Years" of the comic's run. Well worth the time. It even includes some insider information, perfect for those wanting to learn more about this classic hero.
8. Lady Mechanika #0 FCBD Edition
I make it no secret that I have become a big fan of Joe Benitez's Lady Mechanika series. Although this is a reprint of the original issue #0, I still consider this a great read. If you enjoy steampunk, with a well-thought out action plot, then look no further.
7. Dark Horse: Serenity/Hellboy/Aliens FCBD 2016 Edition
While it is of course true that you would have to be a fan of these three properties in order to properly appreciate the stories within, I do believe the interior stories are quite well done. Of particular note is the Firefly/Serenity story, which recaps the series in more of a child-friendly way. It's a charming perspective for what's now become such an iconic sci-fi series. The Hellboy story is extremely short, but Mike Mignola still continues to impress, even now. While I don't know if I'll be coming back for more comics involving Aliens, this story shows me that I'd likely be missing some interesting material in the process.
6. Mooncop: A Tom Gauld Sampler FCBD 2016 Edition
Drawn & Quarterly has put out many wonderful family-friendly books over the years, and the work of Tom Gauld is clearly no exception. It includes a simple, yet intriguing story about (you guessed it) a cop on the moon, before we get some wonderful short stips, full of satire and humor up the wazoo. This has something that just about everyone can appreciate.
5. Captain America #1 FCBD 2016 Edition
We all knew it was only a matter of time, but Steve Rogers is returning to take his place as Captain America in Marvel's latest entry. The story in this is more of an introduction piece (or another issue #0, if you will), but provides a pretty good set of material to catch you up on the basics of what's been going on while Steve was away. Also included is a teaser for another big event from Marvel, Dead No More. Saying anything more would be a spoiler (including the writing team!), but know that this is looking to be something quite huge, based on the reveal within the last few pages. Between this and Marvel's Civil War II prologue, I consider this to be the better of the two releases.
4. March Trilogy Sampler FCBD 2016 Edition
Following the events of civil rights leader John Lewis himself, this comic compiles bits of all three graphic novels in the March Trilogy. I would have never imagined the comic medium bringing a story like John Lewis's to life, and yet here we are. This is one of those cases where I found myself quite pleasantly surprised. A little history among the sci-fi and fantasy never hurt anyone.
3. Rom #0 FCBD 2016 Edition
While no longer under Marvel, it is quite refreshing to see Rom getting a reboot after all this time. This preview issue from IDW pulls all the stops, with plenty of action, and surprisingly good humor throughout. Even if you've never heard of Rom before now, and never read a Rom comic in your life, I would still recommend this title. If anything, it serves as a way of learning about all the fun you've been missing out on.
2. Archie #1 FCBD 2016 Edition
For those who haven't already heard about the Archie reboot, you may be happy to know this is not your grandparent's Archie! Mark Waid and Fiona Staples hit gold with their wonderful art and storytelling here. The sheer realism and tone of this comic make it a gem worth reading if you haven't picked it up previously. It would have been a shoo in for number one, if not for...
1. Love and Rockets Sampler FCBD 2016 Edition
Fantagraphics has put out many wonderful comics over the years, but Love and Rockets is the cream of the crop. As a celebration for the upcoming reboot in July, this comic includes short stories representing some of the series' best material. With the ability to simply take you out of your own life, and stick you into the perspective of others, it's hard to argue about the top choice. This is just the dose of realism you need to keep the medium alive, and show that comics can be about so much more than you once realized. This will never not be number one.
HEY! YOU! GUUUUUUUUUUUYS!!! It's here! It's really finally actually here!!! A deep Captain America film? A film with the new Spider-Man's first appearance? A film with the first Black Panther appearance? And on the same weekend as Free Comic Book Day!!??? I can't breathe. It's too. Freaking. Awesome. O_O
*wheeze* I'm okay... Just... need more... Cheetos...
Yes, my fine folks. You can stop pinching yourselves now, as this dream is in fact a reality (no seriously, stop doing that, it's freaking weird and it hurts!). The film is so jam-packed with content, you could basically call it Avengers III and no one would even bat an eye. But you know what? After the slight disappointment we all felt after Age of Ultron, that's OKAY!!! This is the REAL Avengers movie we all crave, and I'm so giddy, I keep dancing in my wheely office chair as I type this. What, doesn't everybody have one of those? You should... Wheeeeeely...
So what IS the plot of this alleged epic tome of a movie, you ask? Well, without going into the spoiler-iffic details, I will say this: Cap and the gang accidently cause a great level of destruction while trying to stop some criminals. This causes the governments of multiple countries to create a proposed deal to put the heroes in check, and try to call the shots, instead of letting the heroes do whatever the hell they want. Hey, I get it. You want to protect people, but you want to do it "right," so you go along with authoritative methods. But then again, as an established anti-hero mercenary, I never really cared much for the law. FIGHT THE MACHINE!!! Oh wait, they did that in the last Avengers movie, right? Right... Ah, anyway... So Cap is all "Hell to the no! This isn't the way we do things." and Tony just be sittin' like "BRUUUUUH, this is the way it HAS to be, due to all the guilt I feel from the last three movies!" Cue the disagreements, character buildup, and "WTF, that's not even possible!" fight scenes, and we've got ourselves another Marvel movie!!! I kid, but then again, I don't.
So what makes this stand out from any of the previous movies; particularly the previous Cap and Avengers movies? Surprisingly quite a bit. The Avengers films have always tried to give a proper balance of fun/ny and serious, while the Cap movies would tend to stay on the darker side of things. While this still technically does the latter, you could really feel more of the light-hearted nature sprinkled throughout Civil War, and that's owed in part to all of the Amazing (pun 100000% intended) cameos. Again, without giving away too many details... Spider-Man is wonderful in this. Like, OH MY GOD! He actually behaves like a REAL LIFE HIGH SCHOOL KID. LIKE THE REAL PETER PAKER FROM THE COMICS DID! AND HE LOOKS LIKE HE DID IN THE 60'S COMICS!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! I can't wait to do a spinoff/crossover movie with him in a few years (oh what, that wasn't revealed to the public yet? Uh... nothing to see here folks! Move along, move along... >_>). Tom Holland is the most accurate portrayal of the character yet, and I don't even feel nervous saying that like I thought I would. His story is only just beginning and I can't wait to see more of him and his unusually attractive aunt. Kudos on the NOT showing his Uncle Ben dying again. I swear he and Bruce Wayne's parents are in cahoots with all of these parent death origin stories coming back.
And we can't leave out the Black Panther in all of this. Holy CRAP, was he good! His costume and personality are the very definition of bad-ass... Well, second definition. Mine's the first one in the dictionary. You know how dictionaries list words and they sometimes have more than one mean-never mind. Chadwick Boseman did a very convincing job being king of a place in Africa that doesn't actually exist in the real world. That's pretty damn awesome right there! He's also honorable, which I am not, so kudos for that, since I'm basically admitting he's a better person than me... I don't have to impress you, I have a movie!!!
All of the other people we love and hate are back as well. Tony, Rhodey, Bucky, Sam, Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, Vision, Tom, Dick, and Harry... Okay, those last three are fake, but I'm getting lazy, and you get the idea. I have to say that for a movie with ALL of these characters, it's a miracle they were able to fit ANY story into this at all! Though two-and-a-half hours isn't exactly something to scoff at. Hell, it's usually not even something to stay AWAKE at, but this one ended up being an exception. This movie was paced so well, you actually knew when it was okay to breathe and take a minute to laugh at someone else's expense, before returning to grip-the-side-of-your-movie-seat battle stance once again. (Don't play around, you KNOW the stance I'm talking about!)
Now is the part where I speak to the "hard-cores" of the group. You know, the comic book readers that are apparently here for no other reason than to nitpick things and complain if anything happens differently than it did in the comic. If this is your thought process, you may as well just stay the hell away from this movie, as it is almost completely different in both plot and execution. It's also going to make more money than you ever will in your lifetime, which is something to consider when you're angrily staring at your computer and wondering why you're still not famous after sitting there all day. (I'm talking to YOU millenials... Yes, even the guy writing this blog. In fact, especially the guy writing this blog! My entire existence in this blog is your fault! Why do you continue to let me do this!? Do you hate yourself? See me after the blog, young man!)
This movie is gripping from beginning to end, and it all but finally removed the sour taste that Batman Vs. Superman left in my mouth. Am I judging the people who liked that movie? Nah, I don't care enough about people in general to do something like that, but I will say that if you didn't really enjoy that dark and broody romp-around, then you will very likely come out of this with extreme levels of ultra-giddy like I did, and that's at least twelve levels above mega-giddy. Every major character made some type of progress, and will also never be the same after this. I didn't feel like anyone did a bad job with their character performances either. Everyone was completely believable, even if the fight scenes were not. When a certain character activated a certain special ability during a certain airport fight, I pretty much lost my mind and began to flail. It was THAT exciting! Cap-focused movies have been major standouts ever since Winter Soldier, and this one is no exception to that unwritten rule. Please give us more, Marvel. I need my fix...
9 Brooklyn/Queens Jokes Out Of 10
Honestly, if this is the direction of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, I may have to start secretly hoping that Fox sells my film rights over to them in the most whore-ish way possible. They've got a good thing going, and it doesn't look like it's going to stop anytime soon. I mean, who could have imagined a world where I actually star in a movie? No, I'm still not over that. YOU get over yourself! I'm out to go read all of the Free Comic Book Day comics. I heard that Justin used his family to help get most of them. What a loser! Later, peoples!
Another week, another convention, it would seem! Yes, following right off the heels of East Coast Comic Con, I headed over to Oaks PA, for The Great Philadelphia Comic Con 2016! Readers will remember that I attended this convention last year, and enjoyed it quite a bit. One major difference between this year and last year for me, is that this is the first time I've ever attended a convention on my own. I've always gone with at least one person in the past, so I admit it was a little strange for me at first. I remembered someone once saying to me that you should go see a movie by yourself at one point in your life, and I almost feel like I can compare the statement to this particular moment as well. But enough about my stories of loser-status; let's talk about COMIC CON!
One awesome thing about attending a convention by yourself, is that you never really have to make plans with anyone. You can wander around and do whatever you want, and that's kind of neat. The first thing I did when entering the convention (besides using the restroom after that iced coffee I got from Dunkin!), was see D. Silverman from the Sci-Fi Photo Guys group. It is quite funny seeing the same people you met at a convention the previous week like that. I wanted to see if he'd recognize me, and of course he did. We both laughed and said "Whoa, a whole week!? Buddy, it's been so long!"
I immediately noticed walking in, that there were a great deal more people attending the convention this time around, despite the floor size being the same. I'm not sure if it was due to them getting better exposure, or the awesome guests this year (or even some fusion of the two), but it's safe to say this con is only going to get bigger as time goes on, and I'm a-okay with that! At first, I was a little nervous about doing everything on my own, but I quickly remembered something that my family, friends, and girlfriend all said to me at different points in time: I make friends with almost everyone I meet! Remembering this helped me a lot and made the day go by a lot smoother inside my head.
I thought if I could get over to meeting with some of the guests I wanted to see right away, that would save me some time later, when I'd prefer to just relax and look around. The first person I went up to see was none other than Johnny Yong Bosch, former black/green ranger from Power Rangers, and voice actor to many characters in Japanese anime (including Ichigo from Bleach, Vash The Stampede from Trigun, and Lelouche from Code Geass). We had a brief conversation before I got him to sign a funny print for me, and we took a great picture together too. Class act!
Speaking of class acts, the next person I met was even more classy if that's possible. Julian Glover has starred as villain characters in just about every geeky movie series you've ever loved. Indiana Jones? Star Wars? Harry Potter? Game of Thrones? Yup, he's been in all of those. Really sweet man. I felt like I could have listened to him tell random stories for hours and not gotten bored. I got a kick out of the fact that all of his Indiana Jones prints were selling out faster than even the Empire Strikes Back ones.
I knew there wasn't too much time before my first photo op of the day, so I checked out some dealer booths around the area, picked up "Marvel Masterworks: The Sub-Mariner Volume 1," and headed into line to wait. Since this line was for Amy Jo Johnson, also known of course as the pink Power Ranger (on top of her other various roles in shows like Felicity and Flashpoint), I knew it was going to be long and hectic, and hopped in as early as I was allowed to. I was absolutely right too, as the line soon stretched across the entire hallway, likely the longest of any line in the entire convention! I got along very well with all the people around me in line, and we helped each other pass the time by talking about various geeky topics. Once it was finally time, I was relieved to see that I finally met a celebrity who wasn't 3 feet taller than me! She was very polite, and our picture came out great, minus the fact that I look like my eyes were about to close.
Without much time to even think, it was already time to line up for the second photo op I had planned, Erin Cahill and Jason Faunt, the former pink and red rangers from Power Rangers: Time Force (my personal favorite PR series, outside of the original Japanese shows). The line setup for this one was incredibly confusing, because all of the group photo ops seemed to be scheduled within five minutes of each other, and no one really seemed to know what they were doing. That was okay though, since I was able to stay near the front and get it all figured out. Before I knew it, I was already up at the front for the next picture. I have to say, meeting these two was absolutely shocking (and I'm not just talking about me getting starstruck). To explain, the photo op process is usually pretty simple: You walk up, shake hands and say "hi" for maybe a second or two, snap the picture, and you walk out as fast as you came in. This couldn't have been more different! The two of them greeted me like I was the famous person, and they were the fans coming to see me. They asked me my name as they introduced themselves, and even asked what kind of picture I would like to take, serious or goofy, etc. I opted for something funny, and we all agreed on this memorable shot.
For those who don't know, the red and pink ranger in Time Force are love interests, so I thought that was a pretty hilarious idea. Even the guy printing out the photo couldn't stop laughing about it. After we took the picture, both of them kept saying "PLEASE come by our booth later and show us how that came out!" Honestly, just amazing at the enthusiasm. I am officially spoiled when it comes to photo ops forever, thanks to them. I also have to add this to my collection of "I am extremely lucky my girlfriend is not leaving me over this" photos. Between Natalie Dormer and this new shot, I am very lucky to be with someone who understands this was all just innocent fun and that I would never even consider being unfaithful to her. Once again, I consider myself to be really lucky.
After all of the photo op fun, I finally had some time to get lunch! The cheesesteak I ate wasn't the greatest ever, but it was certainly good enough. I made conversation with the people sitting around me and we had some laughs together (Okay, so maybe I AM good at making friends at these events; what of it!?). Sometimes you can catch some of the best cosplays just by sitting around and letting them all walk by you.
Once I got up, it was finally time to start exploring the show floor and artist alley for a bit! I met Ethan Van Sciver, one of my favorite current artists for Green Lantern. He signed my copies of Green Lantern #1 (Vol. 4), Green Lantern: Rebirth, and Sinestro Corps War Special #1, all personal favorites of mine. I noticed that his table was a bit farther away than everyone else, and that he did seem a little distant mentally, so I hope everything was alright. He's an excellent artist, and I was very glad to see him.
Walking down the same aisle, I met Robert Bruce. If you've ever seen the show Comic Book Men on AMC, Robert was the guy that the cast would always call up when they needed something looked at, in order to determine if they were being sold a legitimate product or not. That is more or less his job in real life as well, and his table had all kinds of interesting vintage figures, much older than me or him. He was also really funny and nice to everybody coming by.
Farther down the same aisle (seriously, was the greatest aisle ever, or what!?), I met up with Scott Hanna, who I had the pleasure of meeting last year as well. This time, after remembering he was the inker for some of my favorite Spider-Man stories, I brought my copy of Amazing Spider-Man #34 (Vol. 2) for him to sign. I already had the pleasure of getting John Michael Straczynski to sign the same issue at NYCC a few years back, so getting Scott to sign it was just icing on the cake. I told him how I had to basically choose between meeting JMS, John Romita Sr., and John Romita Jr. all at the same time, and how tough of a choice that was for me. Scott's another fun person to talk to, who has all kinds of great stories about comics he's worked on in the past. He's also excellent at pencils to boot!
If you read my previous blog about East Coast Comic Con, you remember the part where I mentioned seeing legendary Batman artist, Neal Adams. Well, as I said before, he did come to this event too. I was bummed by his pricing last time, and was waiting to see if he would do anything different for this convention. It turned out that he kept his pricing all the same, but actually added an exclusive connecting cover variant of Batman fighting Superman... for $100. Yikes. I thought I'd walk around a little more...
During the rest of the afternoon, I spent a lot of time checking out the various vendors and walking into panels. The panels I checked in on were for both Amy Jo Johnson and Johnny Yong Bosch. Both panels actually had a very different atmosphere. While we got to hear Amy say a lot of funny things involving depressing music and affairs with Jason David Frank (that obviously never happened, but made for a lot of hilarity), while Johnny Yong Bosch had to balance out time between talking about his career as a Power Ranger, and his career as a voice actor, while still making it entertaining for everyone. Both panels actually had a lot to contribute, and I was glad that I checked them both out.
After the panels, I went back by the celebrity side to show Erin Cahill and Jason Faunt how the picture came out. They were both really happy, and thanked me again for coming out to see them. As I began to walk away from them, I noticed a guy just standing there, looking out at them. I motioned to him that he could walk up now that I was done talking with them, and kept looking down a lot. "I'm... a little shy" he said. A little surprised, I built up some confidence of my own and said to him "Look, those two over there? They will be THRILLED to see you. They are like kids on Christmas morning over there, and I guarantee you will not regret talking with them. Give it a shot!" He finally nodded and walked over to them, and I saw Jason give him a big handshake. It made me feel really happy to see that for some reason.
I couldn't possibly leave without saying hello to Austin St. John, the original red Power Ranger. I made a joke with him about how it confused me as a six-year-old, to see him named Jason in the show, while the character of Tommy was played by someone actually named Jason. He started telling me about some of the original ideas they had for character names to give him. While I can't remember any of the names he told me off the top of my head, I definitely remember my reaction to them: "... Yeah, Jason was definitely the better name!" Another great guy that I had a lot of fun talking to.
So the moment of truth finally came, and I walked back to Neal Adam's table one more time, and I carefully looked over all of the prices. For $30, he would sign any comic or print you brought him. He had comics already signed for $50, he was selling prints for $20 (though I don't know if that included signature), the graphic novel Batman: Odyssey for $80, an omnibus collection of ALL his Batman material for $100 signed (or $300 to get it with a sketch!), and that exclusive connecting cover variant for... $100. I finally decided that the most sensible option was to get the omnibus collection. Why? Well, for starters, it was the only thing there where you paid the retail price and got Neal to sign it, without paying anything extra, and it only made more sense when you compared it to books like Odyssey that were going for $80, yet were actually INCLUDED in the very omnibus I just mentioned. So after thinking way too hard on that little matter, I felt satisfied with the result, and happily got the signature of one of the greatest Batman artists of all time!
With that little victory (and due to the fact that the omnibus was heavy as all sin), I finally made it back to my car to head home after a long, fun-filled day. Once again, this was another great local convention. The venue never felt too crowded or cramped, the people I met (both famous and not) were all wonderful to meet, and the atmosphere was simply priceless. Here's hoping I can come back next year, and preferably with another person this time! Thanks for reading! Realistic Dr. Zoidberg says goodbye!
It's hard to believe I just attended yet another local convention in the same month (The Great Philadelphia Comic Con!), but I think it's important I write my thoughts on East Coast Comicon now, before I start lumping all of my convention memories together! So my friend and I were very excited to see more conventions coming to the Meadowlands Exposition Center. Ever since AnimeNEXT, it became one of our favorite con locations. While we did come out a bit disappointed with Walker Stalker Con's setup, we still had much hope for the venue itself, and were happy to give the center another go.
I think it's safe to say that conventions such as this one have a much greater focus on the actual "comic book" aspects of a Comic Con. And that's a wonderful thing, as the big conventions (such as San Diego Comic Con) wouldn't exist without their comic book origins. Personally, I like flipping between the two styles. New York Comic Con is an amazing event, and I love attending it every year, but eventually, you may find yourself getting tired of the insane crowds and preferring something with a little more breathing room. Conventions like this are for you.
Just as every good convention should have, you get your dealer's tables, artist alleys, celeb and comic guests, panel rooms, cosplay competitions, photo ops and autograph tables, and every other bell and whistle that goes along with it. The convention area was pretty adequately sized, and unlike our past experience with Walker Stalker, the place never felt like a fire hazard waiting to happen. We saw multiple people on wheelchairs and canes walk through with little to no problem at all; which made me really happy, since people rarely ever seem to mention that kind of stuff unless you bring it to their attention.
About 3/4 of the convention was really made up of different dealer tables, while the remaining portions made up the artist alley, photo op and celebrity tables, and the rest, including a wide range of Batmobiles/other famous vehicles all in a long line around the wall of the room. I never quite know how to start when you see all of this overwhelming stuff in front of you, but we simply explored everything we possibly could up until the time of my first photo op of the day.
The photo ops were handled by a team I had never heard of before, but won't soon forget now: Sci-Fi Photo Guys. Not only do they create awesome pictures, but (cosplayers, take note here!) you can also choose a background from various sci-fi/fantasy pictures they have in their database, and put yourself in it. Want a picture of yourself smashing the car that Superman smashed in Action Comics #1? You can do it. Or how about a picture of yourself standing alongside Rick and Darryl of The Walking Dead? You can do that too. And honestly, the guy who handles the whole thing, D. Silverman was really fun to talk to as well. Half the fun was just watching him photo edit with ease. For my first picture with Nichelle Nichols (Uhura of Star Trek!), he chose a background of the Enterprise to put us both on. Nichelle was also an absolute joy to talk with (even if briefly). I asked her if we could do the vulcan pose with our hands, and she said "YEAH!" Great times with a living legend such as herself.
With less of a set schedule going forward, my friend and I headed to the artist alley area, to see if I could get some of my comics and graphic novels signed. The one I stopped at immediately was Michael Zeck. For those who don't know, this man literally created Spider-Mans "black" costume, a fan favorite, and my second personal favorite Spidey suit (next to Spider-Man 2099. I can't help it. That's just the coolest suit ever to me!). I was very excited to get him to sign my Secret Wars #8 (the debut of the costume), and copy of the graphic novel "Kraven's Last Hunt," what I consider to be one of the most underrated Spider-Man stories of all time. He rarely makes convention appearances, so I was really glad to see him and chat for a bit.
Some of the other artists/writers I met, included Mark Waid, Phil Jimenez, Cliff Chiang, Don McGregor, Rudy Nebres, and others! As I said before, this is a convention that clearly knows their target audience, and it was great to see. Neal Adams, legendary Batman artist, was also at the convention, but I found myself a little hesitant to get anything from his booth, due to having a bit of a higher price than the other artists and writers. Don't get me wrong, he is a LEGENDARY Batman artist. He can charge whatever he wants to because of that very fact. It just seemed like a bit much to me that day, on top of all the other money I had already spent. I did take note of the fact that he would also be appearing at The Great Philadelphia Comic Con, so I decided to wait on him for now. What happened with him the following week? We'll, you'll have to read my next blog to find out! (Same bat time, same bat channel!)
The dealers and vendors really took up a majority of the convention space, and it was quite a sight to behold. Everything from vintage comic books to Funko Pop! figures were on display here. I did eventually give in, and get a Spider-Gwen figure from Marvel's 'Legends' line, as well as a new Deadpool cosplay mask (to replace the terrible one I had and couldn't properly see out of!). I consider myself lucky for only making out with only THOSE things.
Once we got to the later part of the afternoon, it was time for the next photo op, this time with Sam Jones (of Flash Gordon fame). Sam still looks great, and was absolutely hilarious. There are typically two types of actors in this field; those that try to pretend cheesy movie roles like this never happened, and those that fully embrace them instead. Sam is thankfully the latter of those two things. While we were all waiting in line for him to come over, we suddenly hear in the distance "Hey, what's the hold up over here!?" only to realize it was actually Sam saying that. He had us all smiling and laughing the whole time as we took our pictures. We took a great shot with some prop guns and shook hands afterward. The artist picked another great background to go with.
At local conventions, you tend to not see as many cosplayers in general. With that said, the cosplayers we did see that weekend were absolutely incredible! There was a Punisher who looked exactly like the actor in the recent Daredevil series, and some perfectly sculpted Ninja Turtles running around, that I took a few pictures with. Did I mention the life-sized Chewabacca?
One of my favorite things of all about this convention, was the sheer passion you could feel coming from both the fans and creators. Everyone loved what they were doing, and it just made the whole event that much better. I only wished I was as great of an artist as some of the people we saw over the weekend, but even knowing people with such talent are out there made me really happy inside to see.
This convention quickly went from a "Sure, let's check it out," to an "Of course we're going again! Why would you even ask such a ridiculous question!?" for me in such a short span of time. I give East Coast Comicon my full recommendation. It's events like these that finally allow you to put the "comic" back into "Comic Con."
Wooweee!!! Time to get to some reviewing!!!... Oh, wait wait wait, that's too happy. Dark and brooding. Dark and brooding. Hrm. Anger. Sorrow. Beefy man grunts. Yes, it's no secret that while Marvel generally likes to stay on the lighter, happier, sillier side of things (Winter Soldier awesomely excluded), DC has been barking up the "darkness" train ever since The Dark Knight came to be, and Heath Ledger made everyone at Warner/DC billions of dollars. But a lot of people expressed concerns that Warner Brothers would try and make all of their movies this way, only to fail miserably. It didn't help when Man Of Steel garnered a lot of mixed thoughts across the board. Honestly? I thought it was pretty rad, if you remember my last crazy review. Flawed to be sure, but enjoyable. So what happened this time? Did we get more of the same, something better, or something far worse? READ BELOW!!!
Thank you for reading below. Before I begin the actual review section of my review, I feel I need to warn you that this review WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS! No, I could not avoid it this time. There is no way to talk about how good/bad this movie is without discussing all of the major events in the process. I am not sorry for saying anything I am about to say here. This is completely not held back, no filter-y goodness, so if you were expecting any kind of chill, this is not the place. You are about to enter THE no chill zone! ...
So this movie is FLAWED AS BUTT! Where the hell do I even start?... The movie begins with, stop me if you've heard this one, Bruce Wayne's parents being murdered in the street!!! Yes, holy crap, they did it again! Can you believe they seriously did this s@#t AGAIN!? I still can't believe it. They really thought that was necessary. You know, one of the things people have pointed out (especially after Spidey got rebooted for the trillionth time) is that they are beyond sick of origin stories, particularly those involving well-established characters who's history has been retold more times than the resurrection of JESUS! (Happy Easter by the way... >_> ) But hey, what does Zack Snyder care, right? He's making bank, no matter what comes out, since we've all been desperate as hell for more from DC's cinematic universe. And I admit, I'm as guilty as all of you. I ran to it. I had no idea if it would be good or not, but I still went. It was my calling; my destiny... Something something Star Wars quote.
But okay, crappy retelling of the same beginning aside, we at least also get to see Batfleck's initial beef with Superman, and it's not completely unreasonable. Bats has worked pretty much every day of his life (since that death scene we have stuck on repeat), while this freaking alien hasn't had to work a day in his life for his power. The nerve of that dirty socialist! (Go Bernie?) It also doesn't help that he's causing insane collateral damage and not really answering for it in any legal way. Fans of Power Rangers/Super Sentai are well aware of everyone usually turning a blind eye to all of this shocking destruction, but DC appears to actually want some responsibility taken for it (as did Marvel's Civil War comic). Batty bat bat bat is angry, and he wants this dangerous "god" brought down. Okay, so one character's intro is pretty accurate; how are the rest?
Now we get into Superman's character. This is a tough one to talk about, as there's already been a heeeeeell of a lot of discussion on him after Man Of Steel. I was willing to accept the controversy, and see him as "a being still learning about how to become the Superman we all know and love." I'm still trying really reeeally hard to accept that notion again, because this is obviously not the Superman we all know and love. And I AM NOT just saying that because he's capable of killing. Get that smelly thought out of your mouth this instant!!! When I say that, I'm talking about this Superman lacking any sense of optimism, inspiration, and hope. This Superman only seems to inspire more darkness. And brooding. And a surprising lack of guilt over the events in Man Of Steel. Wat? But I guess Snyder had fun creating an image of Supes as a modern day Jesus (hey, just in time for Easter!!!). In fact, I actually kind of liked that aspect of it. Seeing mixes of people protesting the hell out of this "illegal alien" (GET IT!??? AHAAAAAA!... *ahem*), and others simply touching him and feeling blessed, was... kind of cool and realistic. That had to be one of the few times I actually felt invested in what was going on here.
And then there's Lex... Played by Jesse Eisenberg... Yes, that guy from The Social Network. Look, I have no problems with this guy's acting ability, and feel free to disagree with me (you always do whether I tell you that you can or not!), but I did not understand choosing him to play Lex Luthor. If anything, his character resembled more of the Joker than anything else. Did he secretly get rejected to play that role in Suicide Squad and want to piss off everyone in the studio? Because that would actually be hilarious and make a lot of sense, unlike his motivation here. Speaking of which..., what the hell was Lex's motivation in this movie!??? It wasn't clear at any point. If someone came into this having never read/watched a Superman story in their life, they wouldn't even have the proper tools to make guesses with!
Let me just get right into this "plot" discussion, right here and now. Why is that little word in quotes? Because I'm still trying to find it! I think it went missing some time ago, and we'll end up seeing it listed on our milk cartons soon. The first hour and a half of this movie was SLOOOOOOW. It was so slow, even Bruce Wayne fell asleep during the movie; TWICE!!!! (BOOM, he's still got it! Yes he does!) I still cannot get over how slow of an actual buildup we got here. Instead of creating tension between these two behemoths we call men, I just kept staring blankly at the screen, wondering when I was going to start caring about either one of them. It almost happened with Batsy, but rarely ever with Supesy. My point is it basically NEVER HAPPENED. You could say this was likely the result of Snyder trying to cram too much together, and you'd probably be right. When Marvel started putting all of its characters together to start up The Avengers, they were already well established, with at least one movie or more under their belts. Here, we have a brand new Batman (with the re-done dead parents origin (yes I am going to keep talking about how annoying that is)), a return to the controversial and borderline unlikeable Superman from Man Of Steel, and a very brief introduction into Wonder Woman's character, all in this one measly little (albeit long) movie. DC and Warner Brothers are trying way too hard to rush into things and catch up to Marvel, and it shows.
So once we finally get past all of the buildup, what do we end up with? Well, you start with some seriously bulky man fighting, complete with small Dark Knight Returns references scattered about. I would have been more excited for the fight, had I not been so burned out by the uneventful beginnings of the damn thing. But once it happened, it got pretty real. Some parts of it were actually pretty tactful too. So why did I still have an issue? No, it's not because I'm a Marvel character! Why would you even ask that!? God, you are an ass... It was the substance, or lack thereof. Remember when I said I felt no emotional attachment to any of these characters? Well, that created a problem for me. I absolutely didn't feel anything for either character, so I had no drive while watching these two compare schlong sizes. And again, I attribute this to Snyder trying to cram too many things together and make a sandwich so big, only Shaggy and Scooby would try to eat it.
Who wins the fight? Well, Bats definitely had the upper hand (which has already led to Batman fans once again proclaiming from the rooftops that their lord and savior, Bruce Wayne is the supreme overlord of comic book characters), but the final moment is interrupted when Campbell's Chicken Noodle SUPE starts calling out his mother's name, Martha. This causes Batman to freak the f@#k out, and ask him where he heard that name. After Amy Adams finally runs over and tells him who it is, Batman suddenly has this huge change of heart for reasons I still don't really get... So because he too has a mother named Martha, he can't possibly be evil? Or maybe it's more about his previous oath to prevent what happened to him from happening to anyone else? Is that what the hell he was getting at??? Because if there's another message there, consider it lost on me. I didn't see it, and that's not just because the eyeholes in my mask look weird as hell. So apparently if her name was something else, like "Cynthia," they'd all be dead now. *insert more question marks here*
But wait, what about Wonder Woman, and that weird monster zombie Zod thing that kind of looks like Doomsday? Yeah... Yeah. So let's go back to that nonsensical stuff I was talking about this entire review, and therefore, never actually stopped talking about. Lex acquires the body of the now deceased General Zod, and uses Kryptonian technology to literally turn him into Doomsday, because why not, right!? But instead of actually looking like Doomsday (who is supposed to be a totally different character by the way!), he was basically a bulky Ninja Turtle instead. Though to be fair, he DID make giant crystals come out of himself from all directions, so he almost looked like a Ninja Turtle that inherited Doomsday's powers... almost. Wonder Woman ended up being the best thing about the whole damn movie, and that's sad, because she was only in it for what felt like ten minutes! Her entrance may have been one of the only scenes to actually get a smile out of me. I know everybody was judgmental as all hell when she was announced for the part, but I admit, she pulled it off! What was with that pornographic pose she did though!? You know the one I'm talking about, where she got knocked down and kind of splayed herself out there and smiled? Yeah... What?... Was that supposed to be more of that "empowerment" like we saw in Sucker Punch? I don't know. I just don't freaking know.
And can we talk about Superman's sixth sense for whenever Louis is in any kind of danger? It started out crazy, and just got flat out comical by the end (pun unintentional, but I will now roll with it). We're supposed to believe that while they're fighting the final major villain of the movie, he hears the beating on some wreckage underwater, and immediately knows it's Louis in danger? WHAT. THE. F@#K. It was made EVEN WORSE when he got her out of the water, and proceeded to sit there and say "I love you..." and sweet music was playing, all while there was an insane amount of carnage going on directly in front of them! I literally said out loud, "Is this really the time!?????"
There's so many other issues I had with the movie's plot, structure, and characterizations, but I won't even bother. It's not worth going into all of it. My jokes practically wrote themselves this time (which is great for business, but BAD for the fans!). I also want to make it very clear that despite all of these grievances, I still did not hate the movie. "Wait, what!? How can that be!? You just spent this whole time basically squatting over and taking a proverbial dump all over it!" Well, hold on a second there!... And also, eww. For one thing, the effects (minus some poorly crafted CGI) actually looked great! The dark tone of the DC universe under Frank Miller's influence was actually captured perfectly here. There were also some nice hints thrown in about the future movies to come, courtesy of quick shots with Flash, Cyborg, Aquaman, and even a possible reference to Darkseid in said dream sequence that I still hated. And once it came down to the big daddy's going at it, things actually picked up quite a bit. The action was also very well done, especially if you noticed all of the little Dark Knight Returns moments placed throughout the fight. My personal favorite was the quick second where Battie Battie Bats n' Free posed in the style of the cover for Dark Knight Returns, issue #1. Oh, you didn't catch that? Who's the true fan now!!!? Hahahahahaha... (I have no life, please kill me).
One more thing I have to say here, as I think many already feel the same way about... This film basically suffered from what I like to call "Spider-Man 3 Syndrome." (Yes, I am going to copyright that; don't even think about touching it!) It tries to do WAY too many things at once, and even tried to fit in the entire string of major moments from The Death of Superman storyline. WHY!? You're trying to set up an entire cinematic universe, and you begin by giving us a half-assed version of the most influential Superman stories of all time??? Also, I'm pretty sure Snyder just doesn't like Superman at all. Guy's had it out for him since day 1. It's a conspiracy, man!!! *adjusts tinfoil hat into place*
So to sum up every excruciating detail I listed above. The movie is far from unwatchable, but I feel the level of quality is not even CLOSE to what we've come to expect for superhero movies these days. I'm all for dark, goth, and broody, but it has to be done well, and this simply was not. The last third of the movie is the reason to go; it's just hard to feel any kind of tension or excitement over characters that they couldn't even develop properly. I mean, I never care who lives or dies in general (D-Pooly, represent!), but at least I can tell when I'm SUPPOSED to in the movies! This failed in that regard too. And the plot holes. Dear Lord, those were "plot black holes" we were dealing with. I mean, it's great they were all able to fight Doomsday through two empty cities, but we have no idea WHY they were empty... *huff huff* Okay, okay. I'm really done this time. Oh my God. Just breathe. Breathe, you ugly bastard, breathe...
5 Prayers For Better Sequels Out Of 10
Guys, I understand that a plot doesn't have to be hand-fed to its audience, as I like-a da' foreign films. But there has to actually BE a plot hidden underneath it in the first place. The lack of focus just killed this one for me. I'll gladly re-watch Batman kicking Superman in the face a thousand times once the blu ray is out, but this was no masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination. Glad to say Affleck isn't the one who screwed it up though. Good on him! But... everything else... Just... I'm going to need therapy after all the ranting I've been doing. I need to lie down. Everything is so dark. Dark... and broody... O_O
There comes a time in every person's life when they finally make it big. I mean really big. Like, SUPER BIG. Absolutely huge. Massive. Throbbing. You get the idea. As I sit here now, watching the Grammy's and thinking "... Why the hell am I watching the Grammys?", I can't help but roll back and laugh with glee, knowing that you love me. You REALLY LOVE ME!!! But seriously, what the hell is with the Grammy's? "Thank you. We would have never imagined getting this far, writing these safe, radio-friendly pop songs." Go eat a rooster!
But enough about award shows that make more money than me (before nOOOOw). This is MY time to shine folks!!! We're here. We're really here. It's really happening. There is actually a Deadpool movie that is faithful to my motherf@#king name, son!!! What's my name!?? X-Men Origins: Wolverine, eat your heart out, you ungrateful hussy! Ah yes, it seemed like only yesterday that I was bitching about this movie never seeing the light of day. Ryan Reynolds has been my homeboy for quite a while, as who else could portray my miraculous boo-tay better than Reynolds!? But I'm getting ahead of myself (as Reynold's buttocks are known to make one do). I promised that dork Justin I'd be fair and let him sit by me, like that time we reviewed the Deadpool game together. But this time I will be the one doing the typing, as he is boring. And dumb. And short. So freaking short. Maybe stop obsessing about politics every five minutes, so you can actually breathe and have some fun with your miserable life!? Jeez. I am his biggest critic, loveable type-1 diabetic shorty. (They'll find a cure someday, maybe, probably, I guess? I meant for being short of course.)
Okay, so to be FAIR, we'll look at this objectively. Let's start with the look and atmosphere of the movie. Fox finally got the look and design of my costume right as hell. They worked hard to get it looking accurate after all of the fans (including yours truly) yelled at them for being so bad at life. We couldn't save Fantastic Four (R.I.P. The Thing's pants), but we got to my character just in the nick of time!!! (Fun fact: The first ever Deadpool Movie Review™ was actually for X-Men Origins: Wolverine. We've come so far since then! Like, I still live in the same place, but I own a lot more video games!!) As for the atmosphere? Well, let's go through the checklist. Is it goofy? Check! Is it accurate to my portrayal in the comics? That's a Joe Kelly check! Does it have a lot of action? Check! Is it over-the-top? Hohoho, double check! Does it portray me sympathetically, as an effect of my sexy personality? Surprisingly check!!! Holy crap. It's like they actually asked the fans what they wanted in a Deadpool movie or something! Unbelievable!!
But I don't just want to make it all about me (hahahaha, yes I actually do, but still). I need to call attention to the rest of the cast for five seconds! Morena Baccarin does an awesome job playing Vanessa, my super sexy crazy girlfriend that hasn't gotten sick of me yet for some reason. TJ Miller plays Weasel, the best/worst friend ever, who helps me out of a bunch of tight jams (and also makes way too many cracks about how ugly my face is :-( ). Brianna Hildebrand and Stefan Kapic-... Stefan play Negasonic Teenage Warhead and Colossus, both doing excellent jobs with their parts, especially Stefan for giving Colossus more personality than we've ever seen him with to date! Leslie Uggams did an awesome job as Blind Al, a wonderful old woman I room with who says she hates me right before helping me, and proceeding to say she hates me again. All in all, a lovely friend. And then I guess Ed Skrein plays Francis too, but why even go into him? He sucks!!!... I guess the fact that I hate him so much, means he did his part pretty well too, right? Eh, no, I'm still going to go with "He sucks!!!"
The soundtrack gets major MAJOR props for being boss as hell! I guarantee you that you will never hear "Careless Whisper" the same way again in your life. And that's good! Because that means my movie is making an impact on the world. What? We already did that by making the movie R-rated? Muahahaha!! Even better!! I heard Wolvie is already looking to get an R-rated film following the success of mine. FOOLS! My movie is not simply great because we dropped a bunch of f-bombs, violence, and nudity (mostly involving my ass!). It was great because it stayed TRUE to the comics by which it was based. We used the material correctly, and we remained META as all hell while doing it! You can't put a price on that (not including the $10+ ticket rate involved, IMAX/3D rate, popcorn and other snacks, and gas to get to the show, but HEY!).
Since there is absolutely no reason not to give it the perfect score, I will reach higher and give it an 11 out of 10! Yeah, that's right baby. This is my part and I'm the head!!! (... That... could have come out better, but I'm keeping it there anyway.)
"Oh hell no you don't!!!"
Oh shi- Justin!? What the hell do you want? Here to spoil my review by doing WAY too much research on a topic as usual? Go listen to your prog rock.
"Just because this movie was admittedly good, doesn't mean you can give it a perfect score when it does not deserve it."
Not AGAIN with this. Didn't you learn anything when we reviewed my video game? The ">" key is only part of the pain that you will experience this time around!
"Just let me say my damn piece. People need to know the flaws amongst the good."
Whatever. Write your silly piece, while I throw popcorn at your face. Kapow!
"Ow, stop that! Jesus. Alright. The problems. Quickly, to avoid further popcorn injury. So outside of Reynold's crazy humor, the plot is actually about as predictable as you can get. There's no unexpected twists in the story's structure, and that actually kind of hurts it a bit. Yes, it's hilarious to see Deadpool poke fun at his own film (like he is currently doing with me at the moment...), but it doesn't help the fact that you have just about every age-old trope in existence coming to play here. The "girlfriend" character gets kidnapped so that the hero has to go and save her again? Really???"
Wow, that was really passionate Justin. I'm crying in tears of joy over your broody seriousness. Honestly, are you a writer for the DC Cinematic Universe? Sounds like you'd be right up their alley.
"Can we just get on with fighting to the death over what the score should be?"
Yeah, sure. Hey. Why not? I mean, it's not like we're really just the same person and you're about to create an imaginary battle using a bunch of keystrokes to represent this epic struggle, right?
"Uh, yeah, right..."
Double bracket attack!!! >>>>> >>>>>
>>>>> >>>>> "Ow! Why does that actually hurt in real life!??"
REVEAL FACE DOWN CARD!!! CNTRL+ALT+DOWN
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¡¡¡¡ƎNO ⅄˥NO Ǝq N∀Ɔ ƎɹƎH┴
,,˙˙˙noʎ ǝʇɐɥ I,,
*ʞɔɐɯs* ɟlǝsɹnoʎ ƃuᴉʇɐɥ doʇS *ʞɔɐɯs* ɟlǝsɹnoʎ ƃuᴉʇɐɥ doʇS
,,¿¡ʞɔɐq ʇxǝʇ uɯɐp ǝɥʇ ʇnd ʇsnɾ noʎ uɐƆ,,
Ԁ∩+┴˥∀+˥ɹ┴NƆ ˙˙˙ʎzɐɐɐ˥ ˙ʇɥƃᴉɹlɐ 'ʇɥƃᴉɹl∀
"DEAR GOD, never do that to me again. Look, can we just give it a proper score for what it is? You've already broken all kinds of records for R-rated movies across the board, and this is only the beginning of your big-screen successes. Nothing I say is going to change that now."
... Fine, but when you finally work up the nerve to pick up Street Fighter V, I get to be Zangief!!!
"... Okay. I don't really care, but okay."
Awesome! Then give it your crappy score and let's move on with our lives!
"9 Jokes Relating To Rob Liefield Out Of 10"
You fought me in upside down text for a 9? You're silly. Why are you so silly?
"Alright, alright. So there you have it folks! If anyone needs me, I'll be getting an ice pack. Stupid... brackets..."
So there you have it folks indeed, Justin! The future is bright, and the going is only going to get tougher, now that I've caused Fox to re-evaluate their entire global franchise strategy. HAHA, made you reorganize your finances! I think I'll take this a step farther and reference the comic book movie in the comic. Comic-ception! D-POOLY REPRESENT!
