Monday, July 9, 2012

Deadpool's Amazing Review Of... The Amazing Spider-Man 2012!!! (Movie Review)

Hello again fellow readers! Glad to see you haven’t given up on ol’ Deadpool as of late! Well, I want you all to know I haven’t given up on you yet either! I mean, you actually continue to read all the BS I post here, so I can’t be all bad… Unless you just think I’m awful and want to see how much worse I can possibly get… Omigosh! That’s not it, is it!? I will totally write a super-long angst-y post in my Livejournal if it’s true! Yeah… That’ll show all you masochists… Oh wait, that’s right. I’m the masochist! YEEEEE!

So an extraordinary thing happened here folks. After Sam Raimi decided to call it quits on making more Spider-Man films, Sony got antsy, and immediately announced they’d be rebooting the Spider-Man franchise. This means (you guessed it, you sly devil you) that we have a new film which actually retells the origin story of ol’ Webhead once again! Allllll so that Sony could keep the movie rights. Oops! Did I say that out loud? I know what you’re already thinking. “Uncle Deadpool, again? Seriously!?” That’s right my friends; the history of Spider-Man has now officially been retold more times than the Bible. I’d complain, but I love the fact that comic book-related things are getting more exposure… aaaaand Marvel’s kind of my homeboy. Just sayin’.

Of course, in order to market this reboot, they couldn’t simply give us the same story with new actors/actresses and a new creative team, could they? Errrrrrrrrrrrrrr, yes and no. All of the basic elements you remember from the previous Spider-Man film are mostly present, with a few small changes. The most notable being that we finally get Gwen Stacy as the original love interest instead of Mary Jane, as it SHOULD be! We also finally get to see the Lizard as a main villain, and some hints about Peter Parker’s parents for the first time. Probably the biggest changes of this new version are the grittier feel of the new world presented here, and Peter’s “rebellious teen” attitude in the movie in general. Some serious sheet goes on here this time and I’d say the series is better for it. It’s pretty much what New York City would be like if I were in charge, but with a little less prostitution… Just a little… Oh, and web-shooters are back! No more gross organic “web from the wrist” tripe. Yucky.

The acting performances are all quite good in general. Andrew Garfield, the one I was worried about the most, actually does a decent job of playing Peter, while Emma Stone (who is pretty much awesome in everything she plays)… continues to be awesome like that part in the brackets I just described there. They actually have a chemistry that works very well. Don’t get me wrong; the dialogue between them makes Gigli look like a presentable movie… loljustkidding, but they have this knack for making you smile like an idiot every time they talk to each other about little things. Everyone in general pulls off the parts rather well, and most importantly, they pull them off rather accurately. To realize how good Garfield is for this part, you have to remember how bad Toby Maguire was for the part. Don’t get me wrong, they’re all awkward as sin, which is correct for this, but Maguire’s more like an awkward human being in general, so it’s a little different. It’s not even that Garfield was more accurate to the comic book persona; he’s just a more interesting person in general. Shame that the new costume is so dang fugly! I hope I don’t get some crazy redesign like that when my movie comes out in 20XX. I’m deformed enough as it is you know. :/

There are a lot of reviewers out there that are going to bash this movie for existing. If you don’t know what that means, let me break it down for you a little. This reboot came pretty quickly overall. Is it necessary that it did? Absolutely not. Does that mean it’s fair to give it bad review scores because it came out when it did? I don’t think so. I think a film should be judged on its own merit, because I’m Deadpool, and I stand against those things that everybody else is for! (Vote for me.)

Good film or not, however, there are some serious bones I have to pick with the people who edited this movie. For one thing, this really isn’t a complete film. A bunch of scenes were deleted from the final product, making the whole movie seem quite disjointed when you actually stop to think about all the events that occurred. I won’t go into any specific details, but a lot of things were left unexplained and forgotten about. Whether or not all of these threads will come together in subsequent sequels is yet to be seen, but either way, this was an UUUUUUUUGLY finished product here folks! The rumor is that they took out a major plot revelation involving Peter’s parents that they are either saving for the sequel, or scrapped altogether. Some people may even argue (after finding out what said revelation is) that it was better off taken out. My thoughts? Nova forbid they actually tried something DIFFERENT for a change!!! No no, it’s totally cool that they wanted to present the same bloody thing once again. I have no problem with that. I’m not bitter. I’m not going to go to my Livejournal and bitch about it in long paragraphs, saying how my life is now ruined as a result of this crap… Shut up, you probably already did it too you hypocrites! I'm going to go eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's. At least those are men that understand me... :'(

So to wrap this all up in a tangled web, the movie is good; quite good in fact. This doesn’t make the glaring flaws any less obvious, but the important thing is that we do have a generally great cast set up for this reboot and the film was a fun little romp around anyway. I can’t give this a great score with all the plot hiccups however. The film is virtually incomplete the way it is, so I’m going to have to grade it as such. Don’t you point that finger at me you jerk! You think I want to give it a lower score!? You’re buggin’ man! You're freakin' buggin'!

7.5 Origin Story Reboots Out of 10

I do very much have hope for the future of this series of movies however…, more than the likelihood of my own film getting released at this point in fact. Come on Marvel; what’s he go that I don’t? I’m smart, cunning, DEAD sechsey, and I’m even self-aware of all the ways you used to ignore me before I became more popular. That’s got to be worth something, right!? I’m the Amazing Deadpool damn it! And with great power comes great loads of ass-kicking!

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