Life, The Universe, and Everything Else That Comes To Mind

I've been in a lot of confusion about my life and I've also not come up with many answers. I've even looked to science to try and help me feel like there's more purpose to my life when I don't feel like I have any. I feel no hope for moving forward and questioning if I even do have a greater purpose. It's all really big and I feel like an ant.

Lately, I've found myself asking a lot of questions. Some of these relate to things like my life, my future, and the future of those around me. Other times, these questions come in the form of bigger thoughts, like everything around us; the Earth, the stars, the universe, and so-forth. I'm not sure if all of these thoughts conflicting with each other is my reason for feeling the need to write this, but as I do so, I hope this all goes somewhere, and that maybe I can even enlighten myself a bit while I reach out to everyone else gracious enough to read this blog.

Have you ever felt like nothing but a small ant in a world of bigger things around you? Have you ever felt like you were meant for bigger and better things in the world, but have no idea what those things are, or how to ever attain them? These are all things I've been feeling for the last few years; likely even more now than ever before. When I was younger and just entering college, I felt like I had so much ahead of me (and others will tell me I still do, rightfully so). I could take courses and learn about practically anything I wanted, and I wanted plenty. Some of my favorite classes ranged from Programming, Business Administration, and Marketing; all the way to less business/tech subjects like Music, Film, and even Public Speaking (something I did not expect to get much out of at the time). This seemed even more exciting when I actually started getting better grades around my final two years, giving me National Honors; something I never had in my entire life.

It didn't stop there. For the first time since I can remember, people actually began liking me for who I was, instead of finding flaws in my "not-very-socially-acceptable" way of life. I would tell a girl that I loved watching classic Ultraman episodes and reading J. Michael Straczynski's run on Amazing Spider-Man, and she would actually find this intriguing for some ungodly reason. I could make an obscure reference to some music/show that no one knows about, and have someone actually catch it! And even the people who had no idea what I was talking about seemed to like me too, whether for being nice to them, or displaying interest in the things they had to say as well. I think this gave me some hope that the "real world" would be the same; that the people I would meet in future careers would also be as friendly and accepting as I've tried to be for them.

So what changed? I suppose it's odds working against us. In college, I met a lot of people I really liked, to the point where I believed I really liked people in general. Unfortunately, things started to shift a bit after that. I did still continue to meet nice people who I'd gladly interact with again, but I also met more than a fair share of people that I'd never want to be within a 10-mile radius of as well. What I meant by odds working against us, was that with all of the excellent friends and acquaintances I had made, I was bound to come across more people that would have the opposite effect on me. For every group of nice people, there seemed to be an even bigger group of nasty people right around the corner. Individuals who not only couldn't care less about me or anything I'd have to say, but worse; those who would act like anything they did was immediately more important than anyone else. There are certain traits in other people that set me off, and this is easily one of them. More depressing is the notion that our Country and major business are more-or-less run by individuals of this type. I truly hope I am wrong about this, but if I am, I have yet to see it so far.

While getting a bigger job has made it easier to save up money for building a better life, there are other things that I feel like I've been losing in the process. One of the biggest and most painful for me has been time. Time is something I used to have much more of, and that I used to organize in all sorts of ways in order to manage both a social life and a life of hobbies. Now it's hard to make room for either one. I spend over an hour and fifteen minutes to get to work and another hour and fifteen to get back. I'm tired by the time I get home; too tired to do much else other than try and force myself to stay up a little later to watch a show/movie or play a game. This drags me into a vicious cycle where I'm relying on coffee just to get through the first half of the work day. The '9 to 5' lifestyle can really take a toll on those who are unprepared for it, and as a type-1 diabetic, my blood sugars are definitely not appreciating what I'm doing to them on a near daily basis.

I understand that life is never at the point where things are suddenly supposed to get easier, but I don't believe I was ever taught that things are supposed to get so much tougher either. We're stuck in a failing economy that is only getting worse, and we're being told to keep and hold on to any job we can get. This doesn't make the notion of getting away from the current predicament any easier, especially if I plan to move up in this company someday.

And because of that, it's like I just... freeze.

I get nervous at the thought of looking for or applying myself to anything new. Whether it sounds silly or not, the world is a 'scary' place. Being told constantly that we need to hold on to everything we have only makes it harder for me to take that plunge. I'm not married and I'm still living at home. In the 60's, I would have been considered a failure at this point of my life. Even knowing that many others are in the same boat as me doesn't make me feel any less shame over this fact.

When I would get sad about things involving the real world, I would usually just refer to games or movies/shows to take me away from it, even if just for a while. For some reason, these things have not been having the same effect on me that they used to. I now get much better distractions from reading books and continuing to try to learn new things. Recently, science has become a bit of a new obsession for me. I used to believe I was just looking into it in the same way I used to look into all of my other interests back in my college years, but something has been quite different here. Lately (and without me even realizing), I believe that my subconscious has been directing me toward science lately as a means of answer-seeking and enlightenment. This started after the discovery of the (no longer fabled) Higgs boson particle. Nicknamed the "God Particle," it is meant to help us delve into the origins of the universe, and possibly of life itself.

This concept absolutely fascinated me, to the point where I went and picked up Jim Baggot's book, "Higgs: The Invention and Discovery of the 'God Particle'" to learn more about the history of the matter. While I didn't immediately understand it all (as I make no claim to be an expert in physics of any kind), I understood more than enough for my eyes to be opened wide. I had to get more, read more, and learn more. This search brought me to Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History of Time" and more recently, Carl Sagan's "Cosmos." My eyes were already wide open after my reading on the Higgs boson, but these books just took that knowledge to whole other levels and brought me to places I didn't realize that my mind could initially travel to.

While there was some fulfillment in the sense of learning more about that which is all around us, this also left me feeling quite small and lonely in the process. Of course it is fascinating to hear about other worlds and even multiverse theories, but when trying to figure out your place in the one world you actually live in, this can make you feel pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of it all. Despite all of this new-found knowledge I've gained about "how stuff works," I highly doubt I'd have much of a place in the scientific world today. I've never really thought of myself as smart enough for all of that. The best I've ever been able to do is describe concepts to people in simpler terms so that they understand them. While I'm sure there is a profession for that type of thing out there (technical writing or something similar), I have yet to really find it.

I guess what this all amounts to is that I'm still looking to find my true purpose/calling in life, and while I never dismiss any possibilities for myself, it seems like it is growing increasingly difficult for dreams to become a reality as the world deals with ways to handle the money it already owes, yet never really possessed in the first place. If I could stop everything I was doing to go and master every form of musical instrument in the world, learn to speak every language in the world fluently, or become a published writer, I'd do it all in heartbeat. But it just doesn't work that way, and I guess the realities of life are hitting me a little harder than they normally do. This is not to say I'm giving up on any personal dreams I have; just that I want to look at things realistically and objectively. I'm in a bit of a slump right now, as I'm sure anyone reading this has also been, regardless of the paths that life has had you take. Whether you want to join me in this scenario, or maybe even talk about your own life experiences, I'd be more than eager to hear about it. One thing that usually helps people through these roadblocks is the advice of close friends/family, and I think this is no different, online or otherwise.

I hope reading this has triggered something within you, whether it was thoughts of your own on the situation, or ways you would deal (or already have dealt) with a circumstance similar in your own life. Thank you for taking the time to read this, whoever you may be. Knowing that people are willing to open up more for knowledge and discussion (even if it's just one person) makes a difference to me, as I hope it does to others.

Take care everyone, and good luck.

Deadpool Reviews Call of Duty: Modern Titanfall (PC/Xbox One Game Review)

... Wait, you mean that wasn't a Call of Duty game?... But it... Really?... Uh... Okay dude, whatever you say. Well, this is going to be awkward now...

So the developers at Respawn Entertainment, formed by two former Infinity Ward developers, decided "Hey, the shooter genre is getting boring as s@#t again, let's add robots and wall-runs and ledge-grabbing!" Turns out, that was a brilliant f@#king idea! No one had ever through of combining any of these elements into first-person shooters before! ... What? They have? What the hell is Mirror's Edge? Lost Planet??? Is that some 70's sci-fi flick? Well..., this just got awkward again...

Alright, so it's not the most unique concept on the planet, but it works dammit! Who needs a crappy single-player that nobody was going to play anyway, right!? Well actually, I have mixed feelings about that. While it's true that if you're going to make a half-assed single-player campaign, then there's little to no point in making one in the first place. However, WHY can't they make one that's good then!? People still rave about the great campaigns in Half-Life, Bioshock, Goldeneye, the first Modern Warfare, Perfect Dark, and so many others. I don't see why we can't have a game with a campaign and multi-player that equally rock the socks. If Titanfall had an offline single-player campaign, I'd have jumped on that like Twitch on Pokemon! Yeah, that's right... I reference current events (Praise be to the Helix Fossil!).

The game actually does have a campaign, but it's not what you think. In fact, it's so much not what you think that I'll have to use quotes going forward whenever I describe it. The "campaign" is actually a set of story-themed stages that are not very different from the classic multi-player as it is already. There's a war going on, and instead of talking much about anyone important in it, you're just thrown into the center of it like mindless grunt you are. DANCE YOU SHEEP! DIE FOR PEOPLE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU!!!

So now that I'm pretty much tapped out of bad things to say the moment (though I'm sure I'll come up with more ^_^), the game is actually pretty sweet. It's hard to deny that shooter fans are going to flock to this and for good reason. Not only is it a lot of fun to double-jump and wall-run while searching for your targets, but controlling those Titans can be a pretty bad-ass feeling. Hell, even fighting them with your regular weapons can feel pretty damn cool! You definitely can't play this game the way you'd play other shooters. Otherwise, you'd get your ass handed to you pretty fast.

There's technically three types of situations you really need to master in oder to accel at this game. The first is the pilot vs. pilot scenario. This is your little guy vs. their little guy, crazy acrobatics and all. The second is Titan vs. Titan. Giant robot vs. giant robot basically. This is the scenario everyone wants to be in because it's about as high up there on that food chain that you can go. The third scenario is Titan vs. pilot. This is where s@#t gets real, because you have to double-time it on the pilot side of things to have any impact whatsoever. But it's not impossible like you'd think.

You're provided an anti-Titan weapon on top of your regular one to switch between. This adds another layer of strategy to the mechanical mix. While these weapons don't exactly make you invincible against the Titans, they can give you just what you need to hold your own, and sometimes even take one out if you're lucky. I actually did this sucessfully once and ran like a cheetah out of there before he realized it was me, laughing all the way! Glad I didn't have a mic on, that wouldn't have sounded natural...

One thing that people will either love or hate about this game is the grunt/specter setup. These are AI enemies, put in the game to basically be cannon fodder, and build up points faster so you can call your Titan to the battlefield faster. Players can even try to blend in with these if they really want. I will say it is quite annoying to think you're about to get this epic kill on someone, only to find out it was a grunt or a specter though. I felt so cheated every time I thought I was awesome, only to find out I actually sucked more than I realized. I don't think they really hurt the game though. It just adds more the fray.

Piloting the Titan can actually be quite frantic in itself. You're given a regular weapon for the right arm (like a chaingun!), a left arm item or weapon (like a shield!), and a dashing ability for those "get the f@#k away!" moments (like my blind dates!). If you run out of health, you're given time to either keep shooting for a few more seconds, or eject before you get blown up with it. This adds even MOAR strategy, because this can be the difference between takingout more enemies, or getting screwed over and not getting any experience points. The number of players or grunts you kill can determine how quickly you'll be able to summon up another Titan.

Speaking of experience points, I actually like the experience system in this game. On top of getting the most points for the best and most epic kills, you also get some great incentive to level up and unlock more pilot types, Titan models,and weapons and skills. You are also given Burn Cards for kicking ass. These will allow you to do special things throught the matches like increase your firepower or speed. Again, it all adds to the strategy, and works surprisingly well. I think the best way to describe the layout of this game would be smooth. It's amazingly silky smooth in its setup; you dig?

What really makes the game shine is all of those "Oh shi-" moments that you and your friends will have. Whether it's dropping a Titan on top of someone else's Titan, essentially destroying it and the pilot, or shooting someone outof the air from far away right after they ejected from their own Titan, you know it's going to be fun to talk about later. I could make a whole other blog, just filled with funny experiences I had with this game if I wanted.

So despite my general thought on FPS games (DUDEBROFOOTBALLGAMER138), this is actually something that I'll want to come back to again, especially with friends so we can laugh at all the insanity. Because you all know how much I love my daily dosage of insanity!... Seriously though, I'm just as surprised as you...

9 AI Grunts Wasted Out Of 10

So what's with the trend of using the word Titan in everything these days. It was crazy enough with the Attack on Titan anime, but now it's in our video games too!? What's next, comic book crossovers?... Please? >_>

Titanfall Beta Impressions (PC Version)

Let me start this blog with some quick facts about me and my feelings toward the First-Person Shooter (aka FPS) genre as a whole. I absolutely loved many of the games that were known for making the genre what it is today (this goes all the way from Wolfenstein and DOOM to Goldeneye and Half-Life). I was also one of those “oddballs” that loved playing FPS games with great campaign/story modes in them more than multi-player. That always just struck me as something that was simply “tacked on” in a lot of those earlier games, and it more or less was, with a few exceptions like Counter Strike (which still hold up well even now). As we continued to move forward through the years, multi-player gaming slowly started to become a bigger and bigger thing with games like Quake, Unreal Tournament, and eventually releases like Halo and Call of Duty. I was part of the (small) group that never really saw what the big deal was with these types of shooters. I thoroughly enjoyed many of them (Halo especially at the time), but I never quite caught on to why it appealed to the casual audiences so much (ala the groups that would play sports games and almost nothing else at the time).

Now, we’ve reached a point where (in the shooter market at least), multi-player gaming has become the main selling point of a majority of these titles; series such as Bioshock being one of the few and rare exceptions. As such, developer Respawn Entertainment (started by two former members of Infinity Ward) began working on a title that focused solely on multi-player, instead of tacking on a single-player campaign that they felt no one would want to play. I can certainly understand this decision (as they’re correct in that barely anyone plays the campaign modes on those types of games; Battlefield 4 especially), though I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed to hear it at the same time. Personally, I’ve always wanted to see an FPS with a world like the one in the Halo games, but with a much more fleshed out story. I suppose that’s just the RPG fan in me talking.

So with all of that said, how did a gamer who generally favors single-player games feel while playing a multi-player only beta? More content than you may think actually. Despite all of my feelings on the FPS market as a whole, I did find myself really getting into the game-play and the world surrounding it. Before being thrown into everything without mercy (like most games of this type are notorious for doing), you’re actually given a brief set of tutorial stages to cover all of the elements of the game you’ll be focusing on. Some of my favorite additions were the wall-run (very reminiscent of Mirror’s Edge) and the double-jump. The ability to grab ledges also added another layer of flexibility to the movement. These made the game feel less like the clunky jumping you’d see in games like Halo, and something a bit more fast and immersive.


You’re also introduced to some unique weapons and controlling of the Titans themselves. Most of the weapons are standard shooter-fare, but the smart pistol is likely going to get mixed results from gamers, and I admit it kind of rubbed me the wrong way. With this, you point your gun at one (or multiple) targets, and it will in fact, fire multiple quick shots, shooting everything you locked on to. Even if you were only locked on for a second and move the target reticule away, it’ll still remain locked on as long as you don’t exit the target range. The only thing preventing it from being really unstoppable is its short lock-on range and the fact that actual (non-bot) targets can dodge it much easier as long as they keep moving, and won’t be killed in one shot like the AI-bot characters. Still, I can imagine some players getting really deadly with this, really fast; especially after upgrading it.

Now let’s talk about the Titans; what really separates this game from all other FPS shooters currently on the market. After a certain amount of time, you’re given the ability to call on your Titan and have it land somewhere near you for entry. When a Titan lands, it has a small blast shield surrounding it, so no one can cause any damage to it while you’re trying to get inside. Once inside, you’re movement is slower, but your weaponry is much more powerful and destructive. Titans are also given the ability to bring up a small shield in front of them, not only stopping bullets and missiles from hitting you, but allowing you to even fire them back at the target that shot them at you in the first place! There’s a limit to how much of this you can use, however (just like the shield in the Smash Bros. games), so it’s important to keep an eye on this.


While these features will give players an edge so long as they know how to properly handle it, there are still plenty of ways to stop a Titan as well. On top of being given regular guns to fire at other players, you’re also given a more powerful weapon to fight off Titans with to help even the playing field. It is even possible to jump onto the back of a Titan and fire at the headpiece from close-range. Once the Titan’s health is depleted, the player has a small time limit to eject from the seat and not get blown up alongside it. Players can decide if they want to risk the extra time attacking more targets, or getting the hell out of there! It’s also possible for the Titan to be destroyed before the meter is depleted if other players can attack it enough.

One more layer of depth that the game decided to add is what happens after a team either wins or loses. Instead of the round simply ending, the losing team is given the chance to reach an evacuation point and escape, while the winning team is told to stop these players from being able to get away. If the losing team escapes, they’ll still get more points despite losing the round. It’s a good way of still feeling like you accomplished something, even if your team didn’t manage to snag the win this time.

One more aspect I’m very much enjoying, is the fact that the game seemed to take a page from the Borderlands series and added RPG elements to the mix. Netting more experience from kills and other feats will enable your character to level up and gain new abilities/types of gear, as well as new builds for your Titan. Add on being able to customize these features, and you’ve actually got yourself a hell of a setup.

Overall, I’m actually very happy with the game so far, and I’m surprised to say that I’m actually really looking forward to its release next month. I’m still not exactly keen on the FPS genre so much, but realizing that this was much more than just “Call of Duty with Mechs” has gotten me pretty psyched to play it with my friends. Hope to see you all there (on the PC of course)!

Broken Age: Act 1 (PC Game Review)

I don't know about anyone else here, but Double Fine's Adventure title is what brought me to the website, Kickstarter in the first place. Tim Schafer (of titles such as Grim Fandango, Psychonauts, and Brutal Legend) announced that he wanted to go back to the adventure genre that we used to see in games of PC's past (like the Monkey Island series, Sam & Max, King's Quest, and so many others). He asked the fans for help through Kickstarter, and the fans responded. With an initial goal of $400,000 to make the game, the campaign ended up reaching over $330 million, and the project was started. Throughout its development, we started to learn more about the game's unique art style, and more importantly, it's true title, Broken Age.

It's been a long wait, but backers (including myself) were finally rewarded with keys to play the first episode of the game through Steam. I downloaded it as fast as my computer could possibly respond to my clicks. It's felt like a very long time since we've had a game in this style that can still appeal to more modern gamers of today (as well as more seasoned vets from the late 80's and 90's). So what's it all about? Does Broken Age reinvent the genre that we used to remember so fondly, or is it more of the same?

At the start of Broken Age, you are given two characters to choose from, a girl named Vella, and a boy named Shay. Their stories could not begin more differently. In Vella's case, she is preparing for a ceremony where she is basically supposed to sacrifice herself to a giant monster and protect her town, per tradition. She is one of the only members in her family (besides her grandfather) who seem to think that defeating the monster would be a better solution, but no one else seems to take to this idea. Eventually, in trying to escape from this monster, Vella finds herself in a town up in the clouds, which is where her real adventure begins. Her story basically takes the "damsel in distress" concept and flips it the bird with a very likeable and relatable female lead.


Shay is completely different piece of the pie. Out in space, he lives in a ship with an AI mother and father who watch over him. He goes through the same routines everyday, and is more or less held captive. It's hinted that this is because he is "special" in some way that we're not quite sure of yet. One day, he finally attempts to sneak around the ship to get away when he meets a wolf, or rather a man in a wolf costume, who tells Shay about a horrible conflict going on within the cosmos, and asks for his help. His first episode focuses mainly on getting away from the AI and leaving to begin whatever his real destiny is.


Right off the bat, point-and-click adventure fans will notice all of the typical controls are just as they've always been. You click anywhere you want to make the character walk and interact with objects and people, pick up items, and use them or combine them in creative, though sometimes non-sensical ways. The genre is pretty much exactly where we left it, and while that may be disappointing to those who were hoping the game would go leaps and bounds over the conventional method, it's hard to argue that this formula doesn't work at the same time.

So what's the connection between Vella and Shay? Not much yet, but the ending to the first episode is definitely enough to keep you interested and see where it's all going. The game also gives you the ability to switch between the stories of the two characters whenever you want. While this won't help you with any puzzle solving, or anything in that sense, it can help you piece together some of the clues that lead up to the cliffhanger ending.

If there's anything I could say I found a flaw with, it's how there wasn't much in the way of actual puzzle solving; at least not yet. I can understand if they wanted to focus more on the story itself with just this first episode, but that remains to be seen for now.


All in all though, I'm very happy with the way the game has turned out so far. Fan's of Schafer's previous games may find this project a little more kid-friendly, and less over-the-top, but I don't see that as a bad thing when the result is still so fun and interesting. You can complete the first episode for both characters in less than 5 hours if you're good enough, which I think is a fine length considering this is just the first part of a series.


I give the first episode 8 boxes of Cinna Moon's out of 10

What do you the rest of you think? Have you gotten to play the first episode yet? What were your thoughts? And thanks as always for reading.

Deadpool's Super Crazy Funky Movie Review Of American Hustle (2013)

Good to be back, America! So I was thinking (and you know that’s always a very dangerous and sexy thing), “Why stop at all of the usual films that you’d actually expect me to review, and not surprise you all once in a while!?” Well congratulations, that thought bubble has now been pulled from your head and into mine, to do with whatever I please… which is this review!

So, American Hustle… Wow, where do I start on this comedy-drama piece of crazy? Well, for one, the casting is completely insane, between Christian Bale as Irving, Jennifer Lawrence as his wife, Rosalyn, Amy Adams as Sydney, Irving’s partner in crime, and Bradley Cooper as Richie, the FBI agent. You could tell that they all wanted to win awards when they filmed this one folks. Everybody puts all of their acting cards on the table and starts dancing like it’s 1978… Hey wait, that IS when this takes place! ABUUUUH!?

So after we’re treated to 5 glorious minutes of Irving figuring out how to mend his balding head, we’re then whisked away into to his brief and completely totally innocent story of conning people out of all their hard-earned money with the help of Sydney, posing as an ENGLISH English aristocrat woman. Things go awry when Richie catches them in the middle of a loan scheme. Instead of putting them away, he makes them an offer they can’t refuse (admit it; you said this in the Godfather voice… ADMIT IT!): a chance for their freedom if they help him with 4 additional arrests. The mentality being that with people like Irving and Sydney, who KNOW how the criminal mind works, there is no criminal they cannot apprehend. So baldy and Sydney decide to eventually go along with it, and from there, the goofiness and hilarity ensue (not that we weren’t already getting plenty of that before!).

What really makes all of this work is the acting. If the acting was poor, this whole film would fall apart, but everybody is brilliant with what they do here. Though I haven’t mentioned her much yet, Jennifer Lawrence gets some serious props for her role in this film too, as Irving’s insane wife, who refuses to divorce him and let him get custody of his son. I found myself laughing at almost every scene she was in, which is total plus.

Louis C.K. also plays a part in this film, and while it is not a huge role, it is a FUNNEH role! Yet another character who caused me laugh again and again whenever he was on stage. This man may be a brilliant comedian, but it turns out he's actually got some nice acting chops as well.

As I’ve said in previous reviews, but will happily say unto you once again, Amy Adams is… not the girl from Enchanted anymore, let me tell you what! In fact, if you really wanted to mess with someone who loved her in Enchanted (scar them for life/turn them on), showing them this movie would do the trick. I saw more of her in that movie than I’ve seen of myself in the last few years. Most would probably say that’s an improvement in my case!

The soundtrack, while a little predictable in some places, is all-around excellent. Between Steely Dan, Duke Ellington, and Chicago, you’ve got yourself and all-star 70’s lineup! I wasn’t born in the 70’s myself, but seeing movies like this won’t stop me from wanting to grow giant sideburns and crazy beards like these mofo’s up in here! Don’t stop till you get enough!!!

I’ll also give the film EVEN MORE CREDIT (I’m going to go over the limit soon if I don’t back it up!) over the bits of drama that occur throughout the film as well. Yes, it’s mostly silly crazy ha ha hee haw, but there are a few emotional moments trickled into this for effect, and they hit where it hurts (no, not THERE you pervinator!), in the feels… Character development is very real in this movie, and you all know how I feel when shit gets real!

It’s not hard to see why the movie is getting such high critical acclaim and awards and all of that shiny stuff I’ll never see in my lifetime. Everything really was top-notch, and you could tell the film was destined for great things. I’m just glad it actually delivered. You all know how I feel about those damn hype trains…

Hype train-avoiding Deadpool gives American Hustle 9 Science Ovens out of 10

Oh yeah, that’s the stuff! Now someone help me comb my afro. I’m about to take you back to a time you were probably never even born in! Like me... Ah ah, don’t stop till you get enough!!!

Deadpool's Completely Festive Movie Review Of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013)

Muahaha… While you all thought I was just being lazy, I was actually holding off on releasing another review until Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Fesitvus/ZombieJesusDay/etc.! (… Okay, that’s a lie; I was actually just being lazy. Hey, YOU try working a mercenary job with no salary these days! Damn kids and your Steam sales…)

So on top of ALL those other movies we already saw this month, we have perhaps one of the most hyped right in front of our freaking little pupils, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. Based off the second book in this irregularly popular series, the trilogy continues right where the end of the first film left off. I’m going to be completely honest with all y’allz; as a fan of the three books (HEREADSBOOKSZOMG), I did NOT care for the way the first story was depicted on screen. Not only did the movie take away every last sense of wonder and mystery that the first novel gave you , but their attempt to look like “the indie kid” with that damn shaky camera was just too much to stomach (Literally! I couldn’t keep that popcorn down for long folks!... Sorry again to the kid who was in front of me… He knows why… >_>).

Well I’m thrilled to report that this sequel fixed just about every annoying little complaint I had with the first film. For starters, NO MORE SHAKY SEIZURE-INDUCING CAMERA BITCHES! I think we can all agree it was just a bad idea the first time around and move on with our self-entitled little lives. Secondly, the mystery factor is more or less back again. Now obviously, when a book is written from the perspective of one character, you can’t usually expect the movie to follow the same pattern. While the second film doesn’t exactly do that either, it’s okay, because the things you see going on outside actually enhance the experience, rather than just rob you of any ounce of development like it did the first time around.

And plenty happens this time around. Just when you think you’re starting to get a grasp on things by about halfway through the movie, they slap you across the face at 180 degrees to show you that things are just getting started and that no one is ready for what’s coming. Gotta love that doom and gloom. Kids love the doom and gloom. Because it’s deep. Deep like them.

… So deep.

As usual, the actors and actresses were at their best, and we got some excellent newcomers thrown into the mix. Everyone plays their part like they were pretty much born for the role. This especially applies to parts like Effie, who should more or less be a Japanese anime character, and Finnick, who was so accurate to his book description, I’d almost argue that he existed in real life first and that Suzanne Collins simply wrote about him after!

I will also say that of the three mentioned books, this is actually my favorite of the three. After the first story, you had absolutely no idea what was going to really happen next, and that was totally rad. It added to that badass feeling of badass-ery when you finally did know what was coming and knew where to go from there. Even though I’m pissed that the third book (of EQUAL length to the other two) is being made into two separate movies, ala that annoying trend I’m now seeing among most Hollywood book-to-film projects, I’m still happily excited to see where the movies will go from here. But enough of that! It’s time for the part where I give the review score and say something witty to end this on.

9 Quarter Quell’s Out Of 10

If there’s one thing that seeing the success of these books/movies has taught me, it’s that in order to be a famous writer of today, you need to craft a story about a young female overcoming obstacles and fighting corruption. If you do this right, you will become a BILLIONARE. I kid you not. If you think I’m wrong, read up on another little series called Divergent, which is about to do the EXACT. SAME. THING. No offense to the Divergent series, but I think we can all see what’s going on there, as do I since I read the first book (HEREADANOTHERBOOKZOMGITSLIKEIDONTEVENKNOWYOUANYMORE). Merry ‘all those holidays I wrote down in the first paragraph’ everyone!

Deadpool's Timey Wimey Movie Review of Doctor Who: The Day Of The Doctor (2013)

Long time, no rant folks! Hope you didn’t miss me too much! ... Because honestly, the feelings probably weren’t reciprocated…

So, Doctor Who. That’s certainly gotten quite a rise in popularity, hasn’t it? If you’re not in on the craze, I’ll break it on down for ya. So this guy, right? He’s not this ordinary guy though. He’s this time traveler, known as a Time Lord (they look like us, but they don’t age like us!). He travels in a police call box (courtesy of the 60’s!) with different companions through time and space. What do they do with this amazing power? Usually find all kinds of problems (by accident!) and solve them, saving said time and space. Many aliens and Dalek’s abound! After a certain point, when one actor’s run on the show would be up, they’d create a scenario where the character would be dying, only to have him regenerate into a whole new Doctor, with the memories of his previous self. A simple formula that’s more or less worked for the last 50 years! That’s right folks. This show is celebrating its 50th anniversary this year. What began as a small, low-budget science fiction television series has now become a high-engrossing low-budget science fiction television series, with a fan-base comparable to that of Star Wars. Yes, it’s THAT popular.

What’s kept it going for so long? Well, to be honest, it wasn’t always doing so great. The first few years were pretty solid, with an excellent pickup by this guy in a long scarf in the 70’s. (You may have heard of him; Tom Baker’s pretty iconic now.) Things got a bit rocky in the middle, with arguable reasons as to what brought the show’s popularity down (*cough cough* the Colin Baker years *cough cough cough* Poor bastard *cough cough* He got the crap end of the stick for doing what the writers and directors told him to do *cough cough holycrapthatsalotofcoughing cough cough*). Once 2005 hit, the show was rebooted with surprisingly awesome results. The Doctors also became younger, which therefore brought about a ridiculous number of fangirls into the show. Said fangirls are also the reason I avoided even getting into this show until about a year and a half ago. If there’s one train I have no desire to hitch a ride on, it’s the ol’ HYPE TRAIN! Lucky for THOSE annoying people, the show is freaking awesome and I’ve been trying to watch it all to make up for lost times. What, how was I supposed to know the hype was actually justified for once!?

Flash forward to now, and we’ve finally got a big fancy movie to justify this whole shebang. The current Doctor (Matt Smith) meets with his former self, the 10th Doctor (David “Best Hair Evar!” Tennant) to get involved with a topic the show kind of danced around ever since the reboot began: The Great Time War! Yes, not only do we finally learn what happened in this war that caused every other Time Lord to lose their lives in it. (Not a spoiler by the way for those who don’t know Who! They say that almost right after the reboot starts!) Without going into too many other details (because believe me, there are a LOT of details I could go into), things get crazy pretty fast. Steven Moffat has been building up to writing this story for quite some time after Russel T. Davies left the mount, and boy was there a lot of ground to cover.

Something I should get out of the way is that this movie is NOT for new fans. Seriously, if you start with this, you’re pretty much asking for a grenade to go off in your head; that’s how fast it will explode over what you’re seeing on-screen (especially if you saw it in 3D!). There are a lot of plot threads that were touched on, with many many many many many many MANY more that can still be expanded onto. I can respect Moffat not wanting to go back to the material that Davies had left before passing on the torch, but I was hoping for at least a few more references to it. People expecting some kind of 10th Doctor/Rose reunion are going to likely come out disappointed, and even worse than that, David Tennant’s hair is no longer floofy!!! I want my floofy David Tennant hair back dammit!!!

Overall, the movie itself is quite good, plot holes be damned. You get what you came for: Matt Smith and David Tennant taking hilarious jabs at each other, a complex plot with an even more complex result, and all of the action that one would normally expect for this type of show. If you want more than that, then again, you may be disappointed. That said, I’m not sure what else you would have actually expected from this by now. I mean bro, do you even lift, ah, I mean watch the show!?

As much fun as I had with this movie (and believe me, I had a BLAST with it!), there are of course some issues. So now that we’re past the “OMG DOCTOR WHO IS THE GREATEST; BOWTIEZ FOR LIFE!” stage of this review; I can get down to my more personal and sexy thoughts. My beefs mainly go in line with Steven Moffat’s writing. The guy has a brilliant knowledge base of the show and uses it quite often to make little nods to the classic episodes, which is aweomsesauce. The problem is when he writes these plotlines with huge stakes, only to result in little actual repercussions of any of it. It was annoying the more he did it in the show, and it’s completely out of hand here. Fans of Russel T. Davies’ writing on the first four seasons will also be quite disappointed to see almost everything they loved about those seasons get more or less ripped out from under them. Some won’t care; in fact many won’t, based on some of the attention spans I’ve seen in the human race lately.


Maybe I’m just talking into thin air… Cyberspacey air at that, but it wouldn’t be one of my reviews without me letting out my deepest most inner thoughts… about a sci-fi TV series… Shut up, I’m NORMAL!!! X_X

So there you pretty much have it. It was fun, exciting, and left a whole new dimension of possibilities for what we can expect in the future. I wish it was done differently, but I’m not going to act like that made this a bad movie by any means either. Kudos for some of the nods to the show’s own trivia, like everyone’s pal Tom “The Mother-F@#king Scarf” Baker’s cameo, and the brief and slightly unexpected shot of the upcoming new Doctor, Peter Capaldi. Even if it was just a few seconds; that was the best “giving the eyebrow” face I’ve seen in years!

8 Regenerations out of 10 (Or should I say 11 for now? Hehehe… Clever. That’s what I am…)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go rewatch every old episode, so I can complain about how the stuff I liked was better than the stuff that’s out now. Hipster Deadpool has spoken! Face!